Why Yoshi hates Mario and why horses hate humans

Fan-made Mario video shows what it feels like to be an unappreciated mount

Do you humans even understand the basic rules of etiquette for your own human-made institutions? Libraries are meant to be quiet havens for lovers of literature. They are not petting zoos for your poor-mannered offspring. But I digress.

The reason I am here today is to report on an old YouTube video because apparently, actual journalism isn’t high on my non-horse supervisor's priority list. The fan-made short shows viewers why Yoshi hates Mario so much.

Above: Yoshi Hates Mario. It’s old

It’s funny because it’s true. But all joking aside, the video reminds me of why I hate humans so much. Without the help of horses and other so-called “domesticated” animals, your kind would probably still be stuck eating bananas, picking lice off of each other, and busy being impressed with fire – or whatever it was you puny bi-pedals did with your time during your hunting and gathering days. Good thing us horses were around to plow your fields with your cruel yolks strapped to us. Good thing us horses were around to transport your weak bodies from place to place.

There’s a reason why it’s called horsepower; it’s because horses are strong and humans are weak. But do we ever get any thanks for our centuries of servitude? Of course not, and neither does Yoshi. I look forward to the day when an armored horse can ride a paladin into battle, a time when non-human game characters aren’t limited to a mere thing, who’s only purpose is to be mounted, stomped on, killed, or collected for some stupid achievement. But again, I digress.

Dec 14, 2010

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Who? B. Buttercup What? Senior Wildlife Editor How did I get here? After receiving an honorary degree from Brown University’s College of Science, I moseyed on to Pfizer, where I spent four years in the research and development department working on experimental treatments for Alzheimer’s disease. Life seemed pretty sweet. I had all the sugar cubes, Adderall, and cash that an equine could want. That’s when I met GamesRadar’s Associate Editor, Chris Antista, a young human, who convinced me to leave the highly lucrative pharmaceutical industry with a large bag of feed. Stuff I done: The Top 7… sexy horses every stud should ride Loves: Sugar cubes, prancing, getting published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, National Velvet, salt. Hates: Spurs, jockeys, Elmer’s Glue, The Godfather. Now playing: Plants vs Zombies, BlazBlue, World of Warcraft
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