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Which real-life moustachioed man looks most like Mario?

Does having a moustache instantly put you in the category of Mario lookalike? That's today's burning question. And we're going to answer it. Right here. Right now. To find out, we took 20 images of famous real-life men with moustaches and stuck Mario's hat on them. But before we share the results of our Photoshop experiment, let's have a close look at the Nintendo mascot's trademark 'tache.

Mario's moustache: A close look

 

Now that we've familiarised ourselves with the characteristic properties of Mario's moustache, we're suitably equipped to find out if all moustachioed men look like Mario when you stick a red cap on them. As you'll see, we rate each entry for Mario 'alikeness', which works like so:

 

Adolf Hitler

  

Despite its diminutive length, Nazi Germany's Das Fuhrer was the proud owner of one of history's most famous moustaches, which has come to be known almost exclusively as the Hitler 'tache. Its association with genocide isn't particularly attractive, however, so this type of moustache is rarely seen on the faces of right-minded people.

 

Albert Einstein

 

This is basically pretty much exactly what Mario would look like in a few years' time. That is, of course, if Mario suffered from the symptoms of physical deterioration caused by biological ageing.

 

Bill 'The Butcher' Cutting

 

Even Mario's hat of fun can't disguise the murderous malevolence that sweats from every pore of Cutting's face. If ever Cutting holidayed in the Mushroom Kingdom, we're sure he'd round off his trip by disembowelling Bowser and fashioning the rancid turtle guts into decorative festoons.

 

Borat Sagdiyev

 

Kazakhstan's high-profile advocate of the mankini shares many facial similarities with Mario. The dark, prominent eyebrows. A nose of significant dimensions. The unshifting simpleton's smile. And, of course, the 'tache that absolutely dominates the space between top lip and nostril. It's just a shame that the hat isn't big enough to cover all that hair.

 

Brad Pitt

 

With a 'tache that scrawny, Pitt can never really be a serious Mario lookalike contender. He does get to have sex with Lara Croft, though. Which is a much more desirable video game related achievement.

Earl J Hickey, Freddie Mercury, Graeme Souness, Groucho Marx and Hercule Poirot on the next page...

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38 comments

  • Commander034 - May 16, 2011 9:46 p.m.

    How is Stalin not on here?
  • Craza - November 11, 2009 2:41 a.m.

    Honestly? Saddam Hussein? Wow....Ron Jeremy looks more like Mario than Hussein. >.< And if Borat's mustache turned upwards, I would vote for him. XD
  • gmilf71 - November 10, 2009 8:05 a.m.

    No Josef Stalin?! Well I guess you covered that with Hussein. And nice Bill the butcher part. And lemmy. lol.
  • hadkrad - November 8, 2009 2:35 p.m.

    earl looks the most like mario
  • super0sonic - November 8, 2009 6:39 a.m.

    The Lack of Lou Albano and Bob Hoskins make me sad :(
  • marioman50 - November 7, 2009 4:50 p.m.

    Yeah, I agree with fattoler Stalin could pull off a killer Mario look!
  • brickman409 - November 7, 2009 3:41 a.m.

    lol i was just watching an episode of my name is earl
  • InanimateCarbonTodd - November 7, 2009 2:51 a.m.

    "80s TV's greatest private investigator *must* have been on the short list for the Super Mario Bros movie. His chest was probably a bit too hairy, though." They cast Bob Hoskins. Have you _seen_ his chest (not to mention his back and shoulders)?
  • Xplosive59 - November 6, 2009 9:20 p.m.

    Lemmy is to awesome to mario, and mario isnt god
  • Unoriginal - November 6, 2009 9:20 p.m.

    Fantastic!
  • hunterXhunter - November 6, 2009 8:18 p.m.

    What would John Waters be? 2 Marios?
  • Samael - November 6, 2009 6:58 p.m.

    @cyberninja Then why the fuck did you decide to comment and waste even more space than you usually do? Funny article, though there were a lot of English people I've never heard of. Oh well.
  • Romination - November 6, 2009 5:24 p.m.

    goddang it, Salvador Dali is weird... A true inspiration
  • SuperGoomba64 - November 6, 2009 1:45 p.m.

    This article is epic win for a My Name is Earl reference.
  • Sabtos - November 6, 2009 3:09 a.m.

    I think Ron Jeremy and Borat were pretty close.
  • NanoElite666 - November 6, 2009 2:51 a.m.

    @Clownsarescary See now, but I read the article before it was ever displayed up in the main features setion.
  • Ddz53 - November 6, 2009 1:15 a.m.

    follicle fractures... lol
  • Hobojedi - November 6, 2009 12:55 a.m.

    It's nice to have a rating key in the the article for once.
  • speno93 - November 6, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    Saddam Hussain's death was probably organised by Nintendo in order to protect their copyright. In fact the invasion was probably all organized by Nintendo in order to bring the one who copyrighted their mascot's look to justice. The truth must be told!
  • norid - November 6, 2009 12:12 a.m.

    Jason Lee has so much talent. He can pull off a mario, be funny, act, and he was a pro skater

Showing 1-20 of 38 comments

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