Video: Fallout 3 is full of idiots

It may come as a shock to hear that people who live in nuclear fallout bunkers have unusual social skills. They also seem to have an exceptionally high tolerance of pain. But above all, they seem to lack basic human intelligence.

We know all this only from playing Fallout 3, of course, but it does have such amazing specimens, we just had to capture them all on video.


Nothing interesting to say...

Let's start off by looking at the party right near the start of the game. The general hubbub and mix of characters is initially quite convincing. There's the local bully, the kindly old woman... But then look closer (and press the talk button a lot) and you'll realise that they're actually terrible conversationists. But seriously talented rappers.

Then there's the local gang - the Tunnel Snakes, looking like T-Bird rejects in their leather jackets and Bryl Cream hairdos. We beat them in a fight, at which point they became so submissive, they simply let us punch them in the head. A lot.

Our favourite bit: 0:51 "I'll remember that"

Bonus madness: At 0:28, watch out for Old Lady Palmer's disappearing food and magically materialising glass.

If you thought that was pretty ludicrous (fainting goat aside), you ain't seen nothing yet.


Odd reactions to the ultraviolent

If someone blew you up with a rocket launcher, what would you say to them? Clue - probably not a cheery 'morning'.

And why does no-one here realise they're being murderised? Or that the person they've just been speaking to has been shot dead mid-sentence? Take a look at this little lot:

Our favourite bit: Setting Doctor Li's feet on fire at 0:38.

Bonus madness: At 0:28, bullets can clearly be seen sparking as they hit the wall after passing through Doctor Li's head. No wonder she makes notes on her clipboard about a bunch of readout-less spinning reels. There's not much grey stuff between those ears.


Happy Fathers' Day... KABOOM

Of course, we've saved the best for last. The problem is, there are characters in games like Fallout 3 who are simply essential to the progression of the plot. This means they cannot be killed. By anything.

We put this to the test with our father, who must be simultaneously the most indestructible and forgiving dad in the history of videogames.

We chainsawed his face. We laid mines at his feet then ignited them with a rocket launcher. We shot him in the head at point blank range, drenched the sand with his blood and then pumped clips' worth of bullets into his motionless corpse. As it floated in radioactive water. Still he gets up and says 'hello, honey'.

Weird bastard.

Our favourite bit: 1:04. Kinda makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it?

Bonus madness: "Dad Head Crippled" at 0:37. Yes, we crippled his head.

Above: "Is everything alright?" "Yes, just stand right there for a minute..."

22 Jun, 2009

Artificial Stupidity
The worst (and funniest) AI in gaming exposed


Liberty City: the shocking truth
GTA IV's living, breathing city exposed as phony


Captured in slow-motion: The awesome beauty of videogames
Enjoyed the VATS in Fallout 3? Check this out


  • hazelam - August 26, 2010 8:25 a.m.

    well, he is a jedi master
  • reveffect - August 26, 2010 12:10 a.m.

    i know this is like a year old but man that last vid was fing funny.
  • Smeggs - August 4, 2010 7:28 a.m.

    I have never seen any of the NPC's get that much air from any kind of explosive.
  • SCLaughter - June 26, 2009 9:06 p.m.

    yeah that was funny i want that dad
  • theschwartzb - June 26, 2009 4:40 p.m.

    I love how as you continuously pump bullets into his face, he head jerks back ever so slightly every time a bullet hits him. This article made me laugh, good job GR.
  • magicwalnuts0 - June 26, 2009 6:48 a.m.

    The "Is everything alright?" part made me laugh out loud. Honestly if Fallout 3 had decent AI it probably would have been the greatest of games.
  • bron1417 - June 25, 2009 6:58 p.m.

    ah that was hilarious!!!
  • Doctalen - June 25, 2009 4:09 a.m.

    And they get paid to do job ever
  • Selectedpayload - June 23, 2009 10:17 a.m.

    Loved the terminator ending, genious. Any chance of a better video player or have the sound at halfway atleast. Opened up a couple more tabs of GR homepage to alter the sound.
  • iluvmyDS - June 23, 2009 5:28 a.m.

    I never got why these games (from Bethesda) are sooo good but are so buggy and don't even look that good.
  • JizzyB - June 23, 2009 4:37 a.m.

    I like these mindless articles. So much better than the "games journalism" crap on other sites. The Terminator ending was great.
  • gatornation1254 - June 22, 2009 11 p.m.

    that was great lolololololololololol reCAPTCHA: local conking
  • Spybreak8 - June 22, 2009 9:14 p.m.

    lol land mine bit, he shoots he scores! A new height highscore!
  • civver - June 22, 2009 7:45 p.m.

    First vid was kind weak, but it got better with the other ones.
  • mertor3190 - June 22, 2009 7:38 p.m.

    Oh man that Terminator thing had me cracking up. I gotta get this game
  • octagons - June 22, 2009 6:58 p.m.

    I knew it! Liam Neeson is completely invincible!
  • oscarpiggy - June 22, 2009 4:28 p.m.

    god damn funny video but i hate the video player you use for it
  • michaelmcc827 - June 22, 2009 4:27 p.m.

    I accidentally hit someone in Megaton and the entire town chased after me shooting me...gotta love this game.
  • Ravenbom - June 22, 2009 4:27 p.m.

    hello honey
  • Unoriginal - June 22, 2009 3:16 p.m.

    The undestructable plot advancement character is a cliché that I think should have disappeared along with the PS1 but like invisible walls it just persists. The last vid was funny, good job.

Showing 1-20 of 41 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000