Tunnel Rats review

We didn’t know this was a game based on an Uwe Boll film until about 30 minutes into playing. A passing scribe asked whether it was “that Boll Tunnel Rats game” and, when answered in the affirmative, laughed and gave his condolences.

Anyway, this is the official game of the movie 1968 Tunnel Rats, directed by that most venerated of filmmakers. It’s all about a young man who survives a helicopter crash deep in the jungles of Vietnam. To survive, he must fight his way past hordes of Vietcong fighter clones, avoiding deadly spike and bomb traps as he does so. There are also extensive tunnel sequences (hence the name) where you learn of his claustrophobia and growing madness brought on by the horrors of war.

First of all we’ll tell you what is good about the game: nothing. Now, let’s move on to the bad: the jungle feels like an unkempt version of the hedge-maze in The Shining, only with Vietcong emerging from the foliage like it was giving birth to them. When you stab an enemy, the knife prods thin air and the guy goes to ground. Using guns does bring some response, but only in terms of a splodgy blood splatter and no other reaction whatsoever, barring an exclamation of “Ow” in Vietnamese. Try to throw a grenade and your guy will pull the pin and then throw thin air, which is just too bizarre to explain here.

The maps are shit, the graphics are shit, you collect ears as trophies – just like Dolph in Universal Soldier – and the checkpointing is woeful. In short this whole thing is a nauseating mess from start to finish, and even the tunnel bits are atrocious. Still, it’s better than any of Ugh Boll’s films.

Jun 29, 2009