The worst box art of 2009

25 of the year's ugliest attempts at game packaging

Spoonerism [spoo-nuh-riz-uh m] – noun. The transposition of initial or other sounds of words, usually by accident , as in a blushing crow for a crushing blow.
- Dictionary.com

With that in mind, there’s also this:

Just don’t ask us what a “Hanada” is.

18. My Hero: Doctor


Released: Nov 17

Huh. Looks like your hero has a slightly misshapen face, vacant eyes and a thinning hairline. It’s probably from the stress of inhabiting the same grim, joyless world of doom showcased on every other generic, “professional”-themed DS game by Majesco. We can’t even make jokes about this cover; it’s just that sad.


17. The Void


Released: Sept 25

The art for The Void is the opposite of the other more-or-less artistically sound boxes on this list, in that while it usually takes a few seconds to see the flaws in those, this one looks horrifying right off the bat. It’s only after you stare at it for a second that you realize the bikini girl isn’t messily exploding in midair above a rapacious tentacle. And actually that’s disappointing, because now we’re curious to see what kind of game could work in that action and still be considered safe for 12-year-olds.

16. My Boyfriend


Released: Sept 14

We’re not sure how to break this to you, but, uh… your boyfriend’s a chick.

Yeah.

We’d look into that if we were you.

15. Learn Science


Released: Dec 15

Or don’t! Who’s going to care? Not the people who designed this half-assed box, that’s for damn sure.

14. Hidden Mysteries: Titanic


Released: Nov 3

We realize that cover’s probably supposed to be spooky and all, but all we can think of when we look at it is fashion shows for ghosts. Which, come to think of it, would be a much more interesting premise for a game than another contrived, disaster-romanticizing Titanic mystery.




Petz Dolphinz Encounter


After the fiasco that was last year’sPetz Rescue: Ocean Patrol, publisher Ubisoft seems to have learned its lesson. Rather than including a grinning human performing easily misconstrued actions alongside the marine life, they’re letting said marine life speak for itself, possibly in the hope that it won’t be made fun of this year.

However, Dolphinz Encounter is just begging – begging – for someone to cram the word “sexual” into its title and stick something suggestive into the wide-open gap Ubisoft has left. AND WE WILL NOT BE DENIED.

YEAH, SUCK ON THAT. BECAUSE IT IS TOTALLY A DONG.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.

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