The PS2 was a pioneering machine. It was the first console that allowed you to play those sexy-ass digital versatile disc thangs. And, it was of course, the very first video game box of tricks (that you couldn't fit in your pocket) to be backwards compatible. Frankly, though, that stuff has been written about more than plucky, sun-deprived South American miners. That’s why we’re shining the light on some of the other breakthrough features of the PS2 that deserve some orangutan lovin', to coincide with the fact the console was released almost a decade ago (give or take a week) in the States.
Above: Just look at all the swell, pioneering stuff the PS2 did for consoles
So buckle up, kids, as we take you on a journey of visionary vertical stands, sensitive buttons and horribly convoluted pre-order systems. Where we’re going, we don’t need road… eh, horizontal consoles.
Fourscore and a number of years ago we can’t remember, consoles worked exactly one way: sat down on their fat asses. Unless you wanted chewed up discs or a snapped cartridge, you couldn’t place them on their side and hope the entertaining video game product placed within their innards would work. Thankfully, these dark days came to an end when some enterprising Sony boffin realised all the best things work standing up.
Above: There was quite a lot of dead space in this image, so we shunted in Kaz Hirai for the hell of it
Like man’s apey ancestors finally managing to stand erect <insert schoolgirl titters>, the PlayStation 2 being able to stand vertically and still work was a momentous day in the history of game consoles. Ever the thoughtful ‘probably only semi evil multi million dollar conglomerate’, Sony even gave gamers the chance to buy handsome vertical stands. This allowed others to know that you played your PS2 upright, and you were proud of it, DAMMIT!
Without the groundbreaking 90 degree-taming technology Sony pioneered with the PS2 (which we may be making up), there’s every chance that people would be playing Wiis, 360s and PS3s with the machines placed in the aforementioned fat ass position only. God, can you imagine such a soul-destroying horizontal world?
It also makes former Sony CEO Ken Kutaragi’s diamond-encrusted wallet happy. So much so, he even went out and rewarded himself with a rather spiffy Hawaiian shirt.
Above: We totally would
The only other machine to come close to the PS2’s all consuming sales figures is the DS, which has shifted nearly 130 million handhelds. To give your eyeballs some further context to wade in, Sega’s little console that could (some of you may know it as the Dreamcast), could only sell a little over 10 million. In fact, add the total sales figures for every console Sega has ever made, and you wouldn’t even come close to the amount of machines Sony managed to cram into living rooms/bedrooms/underground sex dungeons across the globe.
To put it in easy to understand pictorial form, it means Crash Bandicoot could buy and sell Sonic’s sorry, bin-scanning ass any day of the week.
Above: A mansion in Beverly Hills, you say? I'll take fourteen
Chin up, hedgehog. At least you’ve got your health. And Oscar the Grouch’s tight embrace to keep you warm during those long winter nights.
Above: We hear Oscar's a hugger