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Nobody watches the credits. We’d rather spam the start button than devote even a few minutes to the people who made it all possible. Some developers get this; some don’t. Join us as we berate and praise in roughly equal measures.
Gears of War
With Cole Train’s rapping and ‘wooing,' how can Epic Games’ brilliant credit sequence be remembered as anything other than preposterously brilliant? Like Barry White on about 10,000 litres of caffeine, Cole Train’s not-in-any-way-stereotypical unveiling of his rap game at the end of Gears of War injected a bit of demographic-pleasing urban charm into an otherwise straightforward third person game about shooting monsters and looking at all that juice. Want to create a cult credit sequence? Insert an out of context sing-song at the end.
Super Mario 64
Following Peach’s contrived invitation to meet Mario seemed so straightforward. It wasn’t. Cue massive quest and much jumping into paintings in search of something sweet to fill that insatiable Italian’s little plumber belly. Hours later, thumbstick waggled in 360 exciting new degrees, Bowser tossed onto ill-placed exploding polygons, you’re finally rewarded what it was all really about – that cake. You couldn’t eat it, mind, only smack your lips as that crazy camera guy Latiku did a flying recap through the levels like a madman/beetle/whatever the the hell that thing was, but the thought was there. Secret Yoshi on the castle roof, here we come (spoilers!).
Just six words separate this otherwise fist-clenchingly opaque trilogy-closer from the dreaded bad list: “Wake me. When you need me.” Chief's message to Cortana before the credits rolled ensured fanboys had plenty to geek over on forums and might have just saved Bungie a mailbox full of death threats.
And for those attentive few who carried on watching? Is that a planet they’re slowly drifting towards?
Guitar Hero: World Tour
Guitar Hero might not be as refined as Rock Band, but does the latter let you drum, strum or wail your way through the credits while soaring majestically through the clouds on a sky ship drawn by mythical winged beasts? You may have lost the Tony Hawk series with your brash ways and garish color scheme, Neversoft, but touché.
Super Smash Bros Melee
These credits weren’t for watching – they were for shooting. The videogame equivalent of a middle finger to other mediums? Certainly: until the days of Titanic 4D with a gun, blasting your Joe Takanaris and your Jim Sakikuras as their names advance up the screen just couldn’t be done in cinema or radio. And for those of you who prefer shooting at credits rather than aliens or robots, you can even unlock a trophy (no, not for your PS3).