SFX Spurious Awards

Doctor Who versus Star Trek , skid marks, dodgy Valentine’s presents, Fringe -jokes and loads more spurious awards

MOST OBVIOUS (BUT STILL APPRECIATED) IN-JOKE OF THE WEEK

Did you notice what Nina discovered amongst William Bell’s in-storage belongings in the latest episode of Fringe ? Expect the sequel book next week – I Am Not Dr Spock , by Leonard Nimoy .

MOST SURPRISING NEW GUEST FOR S O WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? OF THE WEEK

In SFX ’s Spoiler Zone, we often point out that The Vampire Diaries would probably benefit from a family tree at the beginning of each episode rather than a “story so far” montage. In the latest episode, we got the next best thing, as Jenna tried to summarise the complex web of relationships on the show. “I can’t believe it. Elena is my sister’s husband’s brother’s daughter and her mother is my boyfriend’s deceased wife. You couldn’t write this stuff.” Strangely, somebody did, and they’ve never even been near Albert Square. Spurious Awards also wanted to give an honorary mention to Damon for channelling the spirit of Sue Sylvester, telling Stefan sarcastically, “I’m evolving into man capable of greatness. Watch your back. I may have to go and get a hero hairdo of my own.” Now he mentions it… Stefan? Will Scheuster? Separated at birth?

SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING OF THE WEEK

Remind us – what channel is Bedlam on again?

STEREOTYPING OF THE WEEK

Woman washes off her boyfriend’s skid marks. (Okay, so this is from next week’s Bedlam , but we wanted to get that gag in before anybody else did.)

IMAGE OF THE WEEK

“I’m a Doctor, not a red shirt.” A piece of awesome crossovery wonderfulness by the artist currently known as Summerset. Click on the image or this link to go to Deviant Art to see the full-sized version.

DEFINITELY NOT IMAGE OF THE WEEK

There are amoebas with learning difficulties who display better Photoshop skills than that. We know. We’ve employed them…

WTF?!? OF THE WEEK
We… er… um… well… uh… oh, just watch it and make your own mind up…

MORE SPURIOUS AWARDS ON THE NEXT PAGE…

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WORST DIALOGUE OF THE WEEK

On the BBC’s new answer to Night Nurse, Outcasts , President I-So-Desperately-Want-To-Sound-Like-Jean-Luc-Picard gives a rousing speech to the passengers of a probably doomed ship. “My voice will always be beside you, and the light is such a short distance away,” he drones on, sounding like some creepy stalker. When he finishes, he hears something over the airwaves. “What is that?” he asks the ship’s captain. “They’re clapping. People are clapping,” he replies. Surprised he could hear it over the sound of the audience throwing up.

BEER GOGGLES OF THE WEEK

This was going to be DRUNKEST MAN OF THE WEEK until we realised that award would have to go to Dave Golder at the SFX Weekender. But even in his state he didn’t do what this chap did in the latest wonderfully warped episode of Being Human and stick his tongue down the throat of a rotting zombie. Despite a glue, Polyfilla and staple-gun makeover she still looked like the roughest “yours is the one on the right” ever seen in Welsh nightclub. He’s lucky her tongue didn’t come away in his teeth.

DALEK NEMESIS OF THE WEEK


SIGNPOSTING OF THE WEEK
Presumably if this guy ever does the same thing for the other films, The Phantom Menace could be reduced to a simple STOP! sign. Or maybe something with two fingers. Click on the image to see a larger version on the site we procured it from…

UNFORTUNATE FELINE CLONE OF THE WEEK

No, it’s not the one who must not be named. He has a name. He’s Charlie the cat who sadly lost his nose and ears to skin cancer. And because he now has an unfortunate resemblance to Lord Voldemort, the poor moggy is having problems finding a home. If you’re wary this may have left him with a bit of an attitude (well, look what it did to the real Voldemort) Marie Loveridge, who works at The Blue Cross adoption centre in Southampton assures us all that, “he is a lovely, playful cat who adores attention.”