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Sexy Poker review

This was a fun one to play in a busy office...


  • Can play one-handed
  • Sure is "sexy"
  • Won't keep you from the "good" bits


  • Ridiculously basic
  • uninvolving and easy
  • Excruciatingly awful and embarrassing
  • Groan-worthy innuendos

Appropriately, you can play Sexy Poker one-handed. We used the spare hand to repeatedly punch ourselves in the head, but you can use it however you wish. The fact that this is an excruciatingly awful and embarrassing game is not entirely surprising – anything with the word ‘sexy’ in the title usually is – but it even manages to get the ‘poker’ bit wrong. It’s ridiculously basic, uninvolving and easy, almost as if Gameloft didn’t want the card game getting in the way of all the porn. But that can’t be right.

After selecting a static image of a provocatively posed woman (all, apparently, are well over the age of consent), you then play her at cards, while she entertains herself making innuendos so bad even Sid James couldn’t bring himself to utter them. As you ‘win’ she magically removes clothes, until she’s sitting or lying or bending over in her underwear. Conquer her to unlock the next image, where the tiresome process begins all over again.

It’s at this point the pretence of being a game falters entirely, as you can view each ‘unlocked’ woman in the gallery, saving you the bother of even playing it at all. However much you win at Sexy Poker, you’ll only ever feel like a loser.

Nov 5, 2009

More Info

GenreOther Games/Compilations

WiiWare tries to get hot and heavy with Sexy Poker but falls flat on its face. It's a terrible poker game that no casual player could fail at and pervs will find more "sexy" in a Sears underwear catalog.

US censor ratingMature
UK censor rating12+
Release date3 August 2009 (US), 25 September 2009 (UK)
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