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Sexy Poker review

AT A GLANCE
  • Can play one-handed
  • Sure is "sexy"
  • Won't keep you from the "good" bits
  • Ridiculously basic, uninvolving and easy
  • Excruciatingly awful and embarrassing
  • Groan-worthy innuendos

Appropriately, you can play Sexy Poker one-handed. We used the spare hand to repeatedly punch ourselves in the head, but you can use it however you wish. The fact that this is an excruciatingly awful and embarrassing game is not entirely surprising – anything with the word ‘sexy’ in the title usually is – but it even manages to get the ‘poker’ bit wrong. It’s ridiculously basic, uninvolving and easy, almost as if Gameloft didn’t want the card game getting in the way of all the porn. But that can’t be right.

After selecting a static image of a provocatively posed woman (all, apparently, are well over the age of consent), you then play her at cards, while she entertains herself making innuendos so bad even Sid James couldn’t bring himself to utter them. As you ‘win’ she magically removes clothes, until she’s sitting or lying or bending over in her underwear. Conquer her to unlock the next image, where the tiresome process begins all over again.

It’s at this point the pretence of being a game falters entirely, as you can view each ‘unlocked’ woman in the gallery, saving you the bother of even playing it at all. However much you win at Sexy Poker, you’ll only ever feel like a loser.

Nov 5, 2009

More Info

Release date: Aug 03 2009 - Wii (US)
Sep 25 2009 - Wii (UK)
Available Platforms: Wii
Genre: Other Games/Compilations
Published by: Gameloft
Developed by: Gameloft
ESRB Rating:
Mature: Simulated Gambling, Suggestive Themes
PEGI Rating:
12+

9 comments

  • erikalaarson - February 8, 2011 1:22 p.m.

    I didn't think it was so terrible, but the lack of nudity is a bit of a killer for a strip poker game...
  • guiarherodrummer1998 - December 19, 2009 3:53 p.m.

    I agree with this review completely.
  • barrage7667 - December 1, 2009 1:01 a.m.

    third 1 ive seen HOORAY FOR TERRIBLE GAMES!!! LOL
  • JohnnyMaverik - November 10, 2009 10:50 p.m.

    If they don't get completely nude then whats the point? In the days of the internet who's guna pay for a silly excuse to watch cartoons strip down to their underwear ffs?
  • Xplosive59 - November 8, 2009 5:53 p.m.

    a ONE hell thats the lowest scoring game ive ever seen and i didnt even read the review
  • TrigunGunner - November 7, 2009 4:17 p.m.

    it's been a while since I've seen a game get a one. But this abomination of a game entirely deserved a score of absolute no value.
  • HeavyTank - November 7, 2009 10:40 a.m.

    "Can play one-handed" I lol'd. Who the blop buys DS games to look at sexy pics....ffs!
  • crumbdunky - November 6, 2009 12:47 a.m.

    T^Hat really is by far the weakest thing I've ever come across in gaming. I don't see any point in the game as it won't appeal to the new Wii user vecause it's "sexy", won't appeal to gamers because it's a crap game, won't appeal to gamblers as even the poker is BS and, not even on the off chance, will pervs be interested in something so tame, lame and "sexy". Even cartoon/Anime percs will find it way too sh1t for their tastes! Honestly, who is this mess for? That said I guess it's a bout a fiver to buy and cost less to make so it doesn't really matter even if someone made it as a joke or in the hope of strange folk thinking it might make a cool "joke" present for their randy uncle! Sometimes people just make something with no redeeming quality whatsoever.
  • TreeWhale - November 5, 2009 10:57 p.m.

    I am A Whale First yeeeaaaaa!!! This game S-U-C-K-S I am going to swim away yea!

Showing 1-9 of 9 comments

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