Some people make videogames because it’s something they love. Some people make videogames to gain fame and fortune. And some people make videogames because they want you to suffer... horribly. Crawling forth from deep crevices in the earth, a handful of particularly sadistic indie game developers have emerged to hunt for fresh souls to feed their unholy engines of destruction. These depraved, pale creatures take delight in the pain their creations will inevitably inflict upon you and have masterminded these games to produce the maximum amount of anguish possible. They crave your torment so badly they’ll even let you play for free.
With no money at stake, the punishment-delivering capabilities of these games have been left to grow unchecked. For your masochistic delight, we present to you a twisted menagerie of indie freeware designed to destroy your spirit and possibly your keyboard. These gaming abominations want to snap you in half, eat your innards, and regurgitate them back onto your corpse. You’ve been warned. Now go play!
I Wanna Be The Guy
No. You absolutely do not want to be The Guy. The Guy repeatedly gets disemboweled in a spray of pixelated bloody mist if even so much as the nail on his tiny pinky finger gently brushes up against a spike or other deadly obstacle. Believe us: You don’t want to be him. I Wanna Be The Guy is a psychotic amalgamation of visual and audio elements from classic retro NES games of days long past stitched together into something warped and insidious.
You’ll attempt to guide the titular hero along the path of good-guy righteousness…until that path comes alive with spikes, lasers, man-eating apples, and other hellish implements bent on ending your puny existence. Getting to the second screen is a challenge in itself. Venturing further beyond that point quickly becomes an exercise in absurdity.
Momentum (or lack thereof) is what makes Precision such a bastardly game to tackle. There are no foes to battle, no power-ups to meddle around with, and no health bars to be concerned about. Physics is your only enemy. More precisely, the sinister physics implemented by the game’s maker is your only enemy. The goal is to simply run and jump from rooftop-to-rooftop in each level, collecting green bottles along the way, and climb down a ladder at the end to proceed without falling into the abyss below.
The controls and movement physics are ironically designed to be anything but precise, which is why you’ll replay some levels over and over dozens of times before completing them. Proper jump timing, carefully gauged momentum, and a good memory are the only way to persevere. But death and profane utterances come fast and furiously.