Google+

Merchants of Brooklyn review

Disappointing
AT A GLANCE
  • Doesn't skimp on gore
  • "Unique" setting
  • Cheap price
  • Lame story and setting
  • Amateurish tone and execution
  • Riddled with bugs to boot

In the future, according to doomsayers Paleo, global warming will flood most of New York City, leaving it made of slumdogs and rich people in the high rises. This bewildering and barely elaborated upon concept is about as inspiring as the rest of Merchants of Brooklyn. Because we’re so bloody kind, we usually give indie developers’ work an easier ride, but MOB (as it demands to be known at times) is so amateurish, messy and offensive that we can’t help but kick it in the teeth.

MOB is essentially a poorly-developed FPS where you run around shooting or punching samey-looking enemies. These Neanderthals (yes, they’re called that) were cloned to build up the flooded New York, but now have nothing to do but crime. This muddied plot is lost in a cloud of cringe-worthy ultraviolence and terrible music that will make you push pens into your eardrums. You’re going to punch and eviscerate your enemies in over-the-top gore that’s at first disgusting and eventually boring.

Really – it’s rare to find a title that actually makes us squeamish, but MOB forces you to tear the limbs off enemies, set them on fire, and all manner of needless gore porn. This is strangely truncated by the game’s sounds, which are distant and disconnected from what’s going on in the game. A gigantic smack has all the sonic weight of tenderizing a pork chop. You’d think a robot tearing a man apart would sound less damp.

Even at its bargain bin price, MOB is frankly appalling. It’s got the spit and polish of a Quake mod and the story of anime fan fiction. It’s even buggy, with certain parts of the HUD not showing up, crashes, and even resolution bugs that meant we couldn’t get it to run properly over 800x600. If this is the future, we’d rather just give up now.

May 4, 2009

More Info

Release date: Mar 17 2009 - PC (US)
Available Platforms: PC
Genre: Shooter
Developed by: Paleo Entertainment
ESRB Rating:
Mature: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Partial Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Use of Drugs, Use of Alcohol
PEGI Rating:
Rating Pending

2 comments

Showing 1-2 of 2 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.