Loitering in The Warriors

Seven things to do in Coney when you're a thug


It's no secret by this point that - in addition to stealing, beating up everyone, vandalizing storefronts and making Baby Jesus cry by using cuss words - the Warriors do drugs. It's not as bad as it sounds, though, as they only do Flash, a rapid-healing drug banned by the FDA for being "way awesome" and "just too beneficial to the human spirit."

Above: "Don't worry, we'll have you back on the street dealing drugs to kids in a jiffy!"

Thing is, Flash comes from dealers, and dealers need to be kept happy. And the Warriors' favorite dealer, Twiggy, isn't happy. It seems the cops managed to catch up with his suppliers, and if you want to keep the drugs flowing, you'll need to run around and spring them before Twiggy's no-sense-of-humor clients show up for a big buy. In 60 seconds. In that time, you'll have to race around Coney, quickly uncuffing the helpless suppliers and desperately hoping that the candyman will still be around if you mess up.


After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.
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