Fact: Scorpions are literally the greatest animals ever invented. They are walking tanks with claws and poison, and if you aren't amazed at the very concept of them, then you are a ridiculous fool with nothing of value to say.
Like all cool things, Scorpions are in videogames. Loads of them, actually. Being such magnificent beasts, it's almost impossible to compile a conceited list column examining the best ones in more detail than is necessary, but we've done it!
Read on for the most badass scorpions in videogames.
A normal scorpion is already a badass. A scorpion that has been introduced to sustained radiation and evolved over 200 years into a giant killing machine? Turbo badass!
No true Fallout game is complete without Radscorpions -- the creepy, disgusting, thoroughly icky mutants that won't think twice about gutting, stabbing, poisoning and thoroughly decimating any wasteland wanderer who comes across them unprepared. They are numerous, and their exoskeleton makes them pretty damn tough for low level wastelanders, marking them as an early threat in most of the games.
And that's just the normal ones. Bark Scorpions, Albino Radscorpions, and Giant Radscorpions keep things spicy, deadly and consistently awesome. Nuclear war would be worth it, just to make these things a reality.
Skorps are Badniks recognizable to anybody who has played Sonic & Knuckles. While nowhere near as annoying as those damn crabs from Sonic 2 that punch you or the Praying Mantids that throw their claws like assholes, the Skorps are up there when it comes to annoying Badniks.
Their ability to throw their tails out with speed and precision makes them very irritating foes, and also ensures their badass status. Not to mention, they just look really cool. I'd like to ride a tricked out one of these to work. I wouldn't get laid, but that doesn't happen anyway, so who's lost?
That One From Deadly Creatures
The very fact that it's playable already makes this Deadly Creatures protagonist worthy of a mention, but the true reason this unnamed invertebrate makes the list is for being part of a boss battle where it repeatedly stings Billy Bob Thornton in the crotch.
Let that sink in ... this is a scorpion that repeatedly stabs Billy Bob Thornton right on the end of his tinkling tickler.
Not only is the fight brilliant just as an idea, it's also a fitting punishment for that time Billy Bob thought he was a rock star and acted like a jackass on the radio. Let that be a lesson to any actor who thinks they can be a world class singer -- scorpions WILL sting you on the penis. I'm looking at you, Bruce Willis!
Who could forget this absolute classic? Though humble of stature and blocky of pixel, Pitfall Harry's mortal enemies are nonetheless dangerous and worthy adversaries. The merciless arthropods are instantly familiar to anybody who has ever touched an Atari 2600.
They rule the subterranean depths of the mayan jungle with an iron claw, their touch deadly to anyone foolish enough to wander across their path. Unkillable, unstoppable and borderline unavoidable, their very presence makes jumping over snapping crocodile heads an instantly preferable option.
They eat fear and crap souls. We've seen them do it.