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Gaming's most badass scorpions

Fact: Scorpions are literally the greatest animals ever invented. They are walking tanks with claws and poison, and if you aren't amazed at the very concept of them, then you are a ridiculous fool with nothing of value to say.

Like all cool things, Scorpions are in videogames. Loads of them, actually. Being such magnificent beasts, it's almost impossible to compile a conceited list column examining the best ones in more detail than is necessary, but we've done it!

Read on for the most badass scorpions in videogames.


Radscorpion

A normal scorpion is already a badass. A scorpion that has been introduced to sustained radiation and evolved over 200 years into a giant killing machine? Turbo badass!

No true Fallout game is complete without Radscorpions -- the creepy, disgusting, thoroughly icky mutants that won't think twice about gutting, stabbing, poisoning and thoroughly decimating any wasteland wanderer who comes across them unprepared. They are numerous, and their exoskeleton makes them pretty damn tough for low level wastelanders, marking them as an early threat in most of the games.

And that's just the normal ones. Bark Scorpions, Albino Radscorpions, and Giant Radscorpions keep things spicy, deadly and consistently awesome. Nuclear war would be worth it, just to make these things a reality.


Skorp

Skorps are Badniks recognizable to anybody who has played Sonic & Knuckles. While nowhere near as annoying as those damn crabs from Sonic 2 that punch you or the Praying Mantids that throw their claws like assholes, the Skorps are up there when it comes to annoying Badniks.

Their ability to throw their tails out with speed and precision makes them very irritating foes, and also ensures their badass status. Not to mention, they just look really cool. I'd like to ride a tricked out one of these to work. I wouldn't get laid, but that doesn't happen anyway, so who's lost?


That One From Deadly Creatures

The very fact that it's playable already makes this Deadly Creatures protagonist worthy of a mention, but the true reason this unnamed invertebrate makes the list is for being part of a boss battle where it repeatedly stings Billy Bob Thornton in the crotch.

Let that sink in ... this is a scorpion that repeatedly stabs Billy Bob Thornton right on the end of his tinkling tickler.

Not only is the fight brilliant just as an idea, it's also a fitting punishment for that time Billy Bob thought he was a rock star and acted like a jackass on the radio. Let that be a lesson to any actor who thinks they can be a world class singer -- scorpions WILL sting you on the penis. I'm looking at you, Bruce Willis!


Pitfall! Scorpion

Who could forget this absolute classic? Though humble of stature and blocky of pixel, Pitfall Harry's mortal enemies are nonetheless dangerous and worthy adversaries. The merciless arthropods are instantly familiar to anybody who has ever touched an Atari 2600.

They rule the subterranean depths of the mayan jungle with an iron claw, their touch deadly to anyone foolish enough to wander across their path. Unkillable, unstoppable and borderline unavoidable, their very presence makes jumping over snapping crocodile heads an instantly preferable option.

They eat fear and crap souls. We've seen them do it.

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46 comments

  • Xerxes667 - December 25, 2010 5:48 a.m.

    did you guys forget that huge scorpion from God of War III?
  • iamwhatiam269 - November 8, 2010 3:58 p.m.

    What happened to the God of War III scorpions and that Mega Onyx Scorpion too GAMESRADAR!!!!?? Okay Sorry. ^^
  • GamesRadarJuniorWildlifeEditor - November 8, 2010 5:38 a.m.

    Articles like this are why I come to GR.
  • Skykid - November 7, 2010 8:22 p.m.

    Scorpion Tank from every Halo game known to man. Those things scare the living s**t out every body. NOTHING IS SAFE!
  • Logan2911 - November 7, 2010 7:07 p.m.

    Scorpion dose turn in to a real Scorpion in MK4
  • AGENTJORRRG - November 6, 2010 8:40 p.m.

    Hm. I was expecting Rico Rodriguez in here.
  • reaper - November 6, 2010 12:40 p.m.

    BEST ARTICLE EVER!!!!!!!
  • gilgamesh310 - November 6, 2010 midnight

    The scorpion from Enslaved was certainly what you call a badass. When I was fighting him, I thought he'd never go down, he kept surviving everything that was thrown at him. Im very surprised the scorpion boss from FF 7 isn't there though. He was really iconic. I may have to try out that deadly creatures, it's very rare that you actually get to play as an actual real scorpion. In fact I don't think there has ever been such a game.
  • Chaoscoolperson - November 5, 2010 8:37 p.m.

    hello the SCORPION TANK!?!?! HAVE YOU SEEN THAT THING? How could it not be on the list??!!!?!
  • TruckThunders - November 5, 2010 4:01 p.m.

    Simple and fun article. A good read. Thanks!
  • hppop1 - November 5, 2010 2:06 p.m.

    lol the last entry sucked so hard it's not even the so bad yet so good suck no offense.
  • philipshaw - November 5, 2010 1:50 p.m.

    Great article and the photo at the end made me lol
  • db1331 - November 5, 2010 1:27 p.m.

    First boss of Resident Evil 0 was a pretty bad ass giant scorpion. He peeled the roof of a train car like it was a tin can.
  • NeelEvil - November 5, 2010 12:50 p.m.

    Isn't it Dennis Hopper who gets repeatedly stabbed in the crotch in Deadly Creatures? Re: Captcha Were sclowth. Is that a clown that turns into a were-sloth?
  • GameManiac - November 5, 2010 4:13 a.m.

    Now that I think about it, Drapion is INCREDIBLY badass. If every condition is met, it would be a major threat with critical hits.
  • slowdrum13 - November 5, 2010 1:19 a.m.

    where's the giant ice scorpion from gow3?
  • Bonesqaw - November 5, 2010 12:28 a.m.

    Glad they remembered the Deadly Creatures scorpion, that crotch-stabbing fight was badass
  • marioman50 - November 5, 2010 12:24 a.m.

    One of the funnier features I've read in a while.
  • Clovin64 - November 4, 2010 11:46 p.m.

    Scorpions are indeed Natural Selection's greatest acheivement. That boss battle at the end of Enslaved was all kinds of epic. I remember screaming at the screen "OH GOD WHY WON'T IT JUST DIIIIEEEE!!!"
  • BazyLastard - November 4, 2010 11:39 p.m.

    Correction: Sarkoth (http://www.wowhead.com/npc=3281), not the wannabe Death Flayer, is the king of WoW scorpions.

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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