You don’t have time to draw out strategic plans and command dozens of your Spartan soldiers to take out the Covenant. Either you’re used to running and gunning down Grunts and Elites with your trusty battle rifle, or you just plain don’t like all this RTS BS. Whatever the case, we’ve come to the rescue to make things easier for you. Here is the entire Halo Wars story in 90 seconds. So don’t be upset if you missed the game’s midnight release (we checked, there was no line). Oh, we’ve also uncovered the spoiler of the century, ie Master Chief’s true identity, but you’ll have to watch the video first. Check it out below.

There you have it. Now you know that the humans are at war with the Covenant in the year 2531, 20 years before the first Halo game. The Arbiter kidnaps cute Professor Anders, takes her to an uncharted planet in another star system and uses her to activate a fleet of dormant Forerunner ships. She then escapes and assigns Sergeant J. Forge the task of destroying the planet by driving their ship’s FTL reactor into the planet’s sun. However, the core needs to be detonated manually, meaning whoever does it will surely die. And that’s the end of Sergeant Forge. Or is it?? All signs point to the massive revelation that Sergeant J. Forge is actually Master Chief. Wishful thinking? Put on your tinfoil hat and step into our Halobratory, we think we have a pretty compelling case.

Above: Extensive Halobratory

Above: Mounds of clues

Sergeant John Forge shares the same name with Master Chief, also known as John-117.

Back in our Top 7… Ugliest bastards in gaming, we showcased Master Chief’s face, which was first discovered as a glitch during the Halo 3 beta. We compared it side by side with a screenshot of Sgt. Forge from Halo Wars and found striking similarities, from the same brow arch down to the flares of their noses.

Above: “Master Chief” in Halo 3 beta

Above: Sergeant John Forge, also Master Chief!

On his right breast plate, Sgt. Forge bears 9 Legendary symbols. It doesn’t take an Einstein to know that 1 + 1 + 7 equals 9. Coincidence? We think not! 9 = 9, therefore Forge is the Chief.

Above: What the blur really is on Forge’s pistol

You’ll notice in Halo Wars that Sgt. Forge wears an Ace of Spades playing card on his left shoulder pad. Well, so does Master Chief in Halo 3. And don’t forget that Halo 3’s map editor is named Forge, just like Halo Wars’ protagonist. They could have named him anything in the known universe, but they purposefully picked the name of a Halo 3 game mode (was John Matchmaking already taken?)

You may have thought that Master Chief’s origins were explained in the novels, and that he was born in 2511, making him at least 20 years old during Halo Wars. But you know what, we didn’t read the novels and we don’t care what they say. The novels are heretical. The games are the only thing we consider canon, and there’s enough evidence in the games that John Forge and John-117 are at least related if not the same person. (We know Forge dies at the end, but they may have been able to salvage bits of his DNA after the explosion, or possibly cloned him off an old hair found in his cryostasis tube.)

CASE CLOSED.

Mar 5, 2009

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