If you've never had the pleasure of perusing the Miiverse--Nintendo's social network on the 3DS and Wii U--you're missing out on some quality stuff. It's a beautiful landscape of cute handdrawn sketches, helpful tips for overcoming difficult parts of various games, and general posts by users from all over the world celebrating their love of Nintendo. Of course, due to the nature of the Information Superhighway, the Miiverse often acts as a roadside rest stop, one dirtied by sketches of veiny penises, nude Nintendo mascots participating in procreation, and other unsurprising obscenities.
But sometimes a few odd gems come through the MiiVerse: posts that aren't necessarily obscene, but are absolutely bizarre. Strange. Tragic. If you have a Twitter account, I highly recommend following BadMiiversePost, which is where all the following images and posts originated. Press on, dear reader, for a look at some of the most outlandish posts ever made on Nintendo's social platform.
The post: "My wife left me and took the kids."
One must only look next to the cute drawings of Mario to unearth tragedy.
Not a fan of mom and dad
The post: "this game is fun but i hate my parents"
Nothing says "thanks for buying me a Wii U!" quite like a public announcement of parental hatred.
The obsession is real
The post: "nice water" in 800 variations
Man, this guy really has a thing for H2O.
Metroids don't crawl, bro
The post: "y cant metroid crawl?"
A young child ponders Samus Aran's inability to simply crawl through narrow spaces. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the origin of the phrase.
The post: "hi my name is hunter and my gf just broke up with me"
Hello, Hunter. Welcome to misery.
Wii U finally finds success
The post: "How to Annoy an Xbox/PS4 fanboy: Rub the success of the WiiU IN THEIR FACE!!"
The name changer
The post: "I changed my name to Sir Buttkiss because my old name was so embarrassing (my old name was Anthony)"
Jeeze man, give the punchline some breathing room.
Women shouldn't fight
The post: "I don't mean to offend women, but I'm just saying they weren't meant to be warriors or fight men."
Good God, this guy needs some help (and has clearly never heard of UFC ass-kicker Ronda Rousey).
The post: "miss my dad he died lol... :)"
Not sure if this is a joke, or just a really awkward attempt at expressing sorrow.