The Women (2008)
Of course this remake of the 1939 screwball comedy had to star romcom queen Meg Ryan. But how on Earth did they land Annette Bening? We can only assume she had a tax bill to pay. This slovenly reboot is also notable for not featuring a single male actor or extra, which is pretty much the only interesting thing about Diane English’s screechy, over-the-top bum-nummer.
The Pink Panther (2006)
God only knows how this became the highest ever grossing Pink Panther film (yes, ever). We can only assume that little kids thought they were going to see a film featuring a pink cartoon cat. That would’ve been preferable over what we actually get in Shawn Levy’s reboot – namely a bumbling Steve Martin, and Beyonce Knowles really stretching herself by playing a pop star. We’d rather cough up a fur ball.
The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)
Stroke of genius! Keanu Reeves struggles to convince as a human being at the best of times, so he’s perfect for the vacant-stare-having alien in this reboot. But, tragedy, it all still falls apart. Monstrous, planet-destroying robot Gort gets a horrific CGI overhaul, and Jennifer Connelly and Jaden Smith are terrible as a mother and son caught up in all the chaos.
Piranha 3D (2010)
Let’s not kid ourselves - the original wasn’t exactly a masterpiece. But this remake is smutty to the point of nausea. Kelly Brook spends the entire film in a cheap, shiny bikini, while the less said about the frankly bizarre operatic underwater love scene the better. At least Christopher Lloyd gives us good ham for our money – rightly, he’s one of the few things being retained for sequel Piranha 3DD .
Fancy new CGI effects meant that this update of The Absent-Minded Professor could try out new things that the ‘61 version never even dream of. Sadly, it also had Robin Williams as the professor, ensuring that the film championed rubber-faced gurning and general buffoonery. Worse than you remember.
Dinner For Schmucks (2010)
Dinner For Schmucks ? More like a movie for schmucks. A redo of the French film Le Dîner de Cons , this comedy from director Jay Roach has a solid gold cast list that includes Steve Carell and Paul Rudd, but it squanders that talent with lazy jokes that only serve to crush the cast into the carpet. A woefully wasted opportunity.
Not since Sidney Franklin’s two near-identical versions of The Barretts Of Wimpole Street had cinema witnessed such a pitiful case of blatant off-rippage. Helmed by the otherwise dependable Gus Van Sant, this new Psycho was a damn near shot-for-shot remake that merely turned Hitchcock’s black and white classic technicolour.
The Ladykillers (2004)
Is nothing sacred? When not even an almost unanimously beloved film – starring the irrepresssable Alec Guiness – isn’t safe from the remakers, what are we to do? Ethan and Joel Coen share the blame for this wildly unnecessary rehash of the Ealing classic, in which Tom Hanks plans a bank heist. Just watch the original, we beg of you.
Mr. Deeds (2002)
Adam Sandler wasn’t even born when the 1936 original Mr Deeds Goes To Town was released, which makes his decision to remake it even more baffling. With its mix of annoying characters and going-nowhere-fast plotline, this is uneven and uninvolving.
Swept Away (2002)
Guy Ritchie attempts to give then-wife Madonna’s film career a credibility boost, but just ends up burying it with this redo of the same-named Italian film. A total box office washout, the flick was made for $10m, but didn’t even manage to claw back $6,000 of that. If anybody needed further proof that Madonna couldn’t act, this was it.