Good Luck Chuck (2007)
The Romance: Dentist Chuck (Dane Cook) has really bad luck with women – every ladyperson he sleeps with ends up dumping him and marrying the next man they meet. Then he comes across Cam (Jessica Alba) and is besotted…
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Not only the opening scene, in which Chuck is cursed by a 10-year-old (uhhhhkay), but also that uncomfortable moment where Chuck basically bribes Cam into going on a date instead of paying for her dentist work.
Redeeming Feature? Alba is lovely to look at. That’s about it.
Pretty Woman (1990)
The Romance: Ed (Richard Gere) hires a lovely prostitute in the form of Vivian (Julia Roberts) to keep him company at social events for a whole week. For the princely sum of $3,000.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Aside from the whole anti-feminist slant of the thing, Vivian’s trip to a snarky fashion boutique takes the biscuit for blatant emotional manipulation. As Romy and Michelle so succinctly put it, “Oh, boo hoo!”
Redeeming Feature? Roberts is magnetic and lively, even if you do fear Gere will get eaten alive by that giant mouth.
Two Of A Kind (1983)
The Romance: Zack Melon (John Travolta) is a failed inventor who decides to rob a bank in order to pay back some ravenous loan sharks. During his raid, he meets bank teller Debbie (Olivia Newton-John), who could just be a twin soul.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Did we mention this is all book-ended with a stupid Heaven sideplot that sees angels attempting to prove to God that if a bad man can redeem himself, the world is worth sparing a cleansing flood? Two Of A Kind wants to be old Hollywood (we suspect it’s even kidding itself that it’s a fresh, ‘80s It’s A Wonderful Life ), but it’s just too rote to manage it.
Redeeming Feature? It’s got a pleasing powder-puff ‘80s sheen, and in retrospect it’s fun in a big-haired, soft-focus kind of way. Still, no.
Rumour Has It (2005)
The Romance: New York Times writer Sarah is with fiancé Jeff (Mark Ruffalo), but falls for older man Beau, who once had an affair with her mother.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The bit that uses a far better movie ( The Graduate ) as a lunchpad for its wobbling central premise. Oh, the whole movie, then.
Redeeming Feature? Aniston’s as buoyant and endearing as ever, and it’s good to see Shirley MacLaine still playing the hard bird with a slab of stone where her heart should be.
Employee Of The Month (2006)
The Romance: New cashier Amy (Jessica Simpson) sets hearts hammering when she starts working at the Super Clob shop. Cue a fight between Zach (Dane Cook) and slimy multiple employee of the month Vince (Dax Shephard) for her affections.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Things get confusing when Amy overhears a conversation that sounds like Zack is only trying to win the 'employee of the month' title in order to sleep with her. Or some such. Yawwwwwn.
Redeeming Feature? At least Dax Shephard’s vile Vince knows he’s in a pile of crap, and just goes with it. Or does he?
Failure To Launch (2006)
The Romance: Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) is 35 years old and still living at home with his folks. So they hire a professional in the shapely shape of Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker) to lure him away from the nest.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The whole concept stinks, particularly the part where Paula ‘allows’ a man to fall in love with her even though it’s all a big, massive, giant scam. No wonder Tripp gets mad.
Redeeming Feature? Zooey Deschanel shines in a small role as Paula’s roommate, whose quirky sideplot seems to belong to a whole other movie.
Alex & Emma (2003)
The Romance: Author Alex (Luke Wilson) owes a massive debt to the Cuban mafia, and hires motormouth stenographer Emma (Kate Hudson) to help him complete his latest project.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Sections of Alex’s novel come to life, with Emma playing the parts of numerous quirky nannies. Dullsville.
Redeeming Feature? Hudson’s sparky enough, but this charmless love story just has nothing new to say.
What Happens In Vegas (2008)
The Romance: Joy and Jack couldn’t be more ill-suited if they tried. But thanks to the craziness of Vegas, they end up getting well and truly muntered before marrying each other.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Forced to live together, Joy and Jack find it impossible to agree about anything. Upping the drama, Joy refuses to let Jack into the bathroom – forcing him to take a whiz in the kitchen sink.
Redeeming Feature? That’d be Queen Latifah as a marriage councillor who sees the funny side of the couple’s desperately unfunny situation.
Down To You (2000)
The Romance: Al Connelly (Freddie Prinze, Jr) falls for freshman Imogen (Julia Stiles) when they meet at college. Yeah, groundbreaking.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: We’ll let the Wiki page do the talking on this one. “The two engage on a whirlwind courtship - they pick a song based on the records from Al's parents, eat a cake together, and even make love.” YES, they eat CAKE together! Snorrrre.
Redeeming Feature? There’s a certain degree of satisfaction to be had when someone as annoying as Freddie winds up in a crummy film so obviously deserving of him.
P.S. I Love You (2007)
The Romance: Holly (Hilary Swank) is distraught when hubbie Gerry (Gerard Butler) dies from a brain tumour. Luckily, he was an organised chap, and arranged it so that letters from him arrive for Holly after his death.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Holly’s so-called journey of self-discovery, which basically just leads her to a new man. Come on girls, you can do better!
Redeeming Feature? The Ireland scenery makes for a beautiful backdrop. Just ignore all the annoying people standing in the foreground.
My Bosss Daughter (2003)
The Romance: Tom (Ashton Kutcher) is crushing on Lisa (Tara Reid), the daughter of his boss. But he can’t get anywhere near her thanks to her Guatemala-guard-like father.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Oh look, it’s Ashton Kutcher again. And he’s still being a complete dolt, safe-guarding an Owl for a drugged-up loon and then quickly losing it. Hilarity!
Redeeming Feature? Michael Madsen’s in it. And he only chooses the very best B movies to star in, which has to say something about it.
Dirty Love (2005)
The Romance: Photographer Rebecca (Jenny McCarthy) catches her beau Richard in bed with another lady and plans revenge. Could gawky mate John (Eddie Kaye Thomas) really be the man of her dreams?
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Rebecca goes on a date with a guy who gives her ecstasy and has a fetish for fish. Where’s Bridget Jones when you need her?
Redeeming Feature? McCarthy’s only made three movies since. Thank Buddha for small mercies.
Say It Isnt So (2001)
The Romance: Gilbert (Chris Klein) stumbles into his meet-cute with Jo (Heather Graham) when he goes to her hair salon for a trim. After she snips off half his ear (ah, young love), then takes him home to her horrible parents, they finally hop in the sack.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: A detective attempting to find Gilbert’s biological mother reveals that he’s found her – only it’s Jo’s mother! Zoik!
Redeeming Feature? Sally Field is joyously screechy and horrible as Jo’s self-centered mother. We like to pretend she’s like this in real life as well.
All About Steve (2009)
The Romance: Lonely crossword writer Mary (Sandra Bullock) goes on a blind date with the extremely attractive and accomplished Steve (Bradley Cooper), a cameraman for CNN. And, miracle of miracles, she likes him. Sad thing is, he doesn’t feel the same way…
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Mary thinks her only friend in the world is her pet hamster, and talks to him. A lot. Gah!
Redeeming Feature? For those so inclined, Bradley Cooper really is a well-chiselled hunk of a man. For others, Bullock prances around in some very short skirts. Either way, not really sure that excuses watching this mess.
From Justin To Kelly (2003)
The Romance: Singing waitress Kelly (Kelly Clarkson) falls foot over noggin for student Justin Bell (Justin Guarini), but stuff keeps getting in the way.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The horrible choreography, which is so bad that a special Golden Raspberry award was created just for it.
Redeeming Feature? The title, which has us imagining an altogether funnier movie in which Kelly Clarkson decides she wants to become Justin Timberlake and undergoes a series of painful operations.
The Hottie & The Nottie (2008)
The Romance: Lithe Cristabel (Paris Hilton) like totally fancies Nate, but refuses to date the stud muffin until her troll of a friend (Christine Lakin) gets her own date.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The entire sickening premise, which wants us to believe that ironboard beak-face peroxide victim Hilton actually classifies as a ‘hottie’. Pull the other one.
Redeeming Feature? We can’t think of a single thing. Not one.
The Romance: Ah the fickle finger of fate. Sara (Kate Beckinsale) and Jonathan (John Cusack) fall instantly in love when they attempt to buy the same pair of gloves at Bloomingdale’s. Trouble is, they’re both already coupled up.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: During an ice-skating date, Jonathan shows off by teaching Sara about Cassiopeia.
Redeeming Feature? It’s nowhere near as screechy and soul-sucking as director Peter Chelsom’s latest directing gig – Hannah Montana: The Movie . But that says more about Montana than this.
Over Her Dead Body (2008)
The Romance: Kate’s (Eva Longoria) happy day is ruined when an ice sculpture crushes her right when she’s about to tell Henry (Paul Rudd) that she “does”. Bitter and dead, Kate’s ghost haunts Henry and attempts to get in the way of him marrying anybody new.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Henry agrees to speak with a psychic (Lake Bell) who may be able to put him in touch with Kate. Ghost this ain’t.
Redeeming Feature? We all know Rudd’s a funny guy, but this one’s for Rudd completists only. And even they should be urged to skip it.
Did You Hear About The Morgans? (2010)
The Romance: Warring couple Paul (Hugh Grant) and Judith Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker) are sent off to the sticks for protection after they witness a murder. Problem is, they’ve got their own issues after Paul was caught cheating on Judith.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The killer discovers where the Morgans are hiding out and attacks them in their safehouse. Sure, SJP gets to wield a gun, but the rest is daft to the point of boredom.
Redeeming Feature? Mary Steenburgen really doesn’t make enough movies these days, and she’s aces as the Morgan’s host mother. Even if the material stinks.
Youve Got Mail (1998)
The Romance: Kathleen (Meg Ryan) and Joe (Tom Hanks) meet via AOL chat (hey! It’s the ‘90s everyone!). They get close, unaware that in real life they’re enemies in the savage, cutthroat world of... uh... bookstores.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Apart from the blatant attempt to cash in on Sleepless In Seattle ? How about the stupid scene in which Joe, knowing that Kathleen is his chat buddy, pretends he doesn’t and stands her up. Not to mention that gooey ending. Blech.
Redeeming Feature? If you’ve got an iPhone, you can check to see if you've got any emails to distract yourself from You’ve Got Mail . Is that meta?