Waiting sucks. Period. Fortunately, there is a cure. While many iPhone games lean towards the short, cute, and casual end of the spectrum, we’ve consulted the dark tome of Baphomet to summon forth a demonically delicious sampling of portable RPG gems capable of consuming voluminous amounts of time and possibly a few souls.
Not afraid to geek out in public? We’ve got your back. Whether you’re sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office, stuck on a long bus commute or just mind-numbingly bored, salvation is just a few taps away. And you don’t even need to bring your custom-embroidered dice bag.
The Gist: Slaying Nazis and undead creatures is a fine, time-honored gaming tradition, and Wolfenstein RPG carries the torch like a trouper. This first-person shooter/RPG hybrid faithfully references Wolfenstein's original old-school greatness, while adding in a cool turn-based step system. Lots of character interaction, funny dialogue text and secret twists give this gruesome dungeon crawler some legs. Expect to encounter a ton of id's trademark black humor littered amongst every nook and cranny, as you trudge knee deep through disturbed graves and body-strewn underground corridors.
Saving Throw: Kicking live chickens and having them turn into a fully cooked, health-restoring meal. Also, punching paintings of Hitler is fun.
The Gist: As a winged, demonic lord of the underworld, you've amassed quite a trove of treasure. The only problem is that stupid, surface-dwelling humans are hell-bent on getting their greedy mitts on your loot. It's time to cave in as many of their skulls as possible in an attempt to crush the endless waves of peasants and swordsmen swarming your subterranean abode. Spilling more blood charges your unholy powers and earns you bigger and nastier weapons to wield. If all of your gold is confiscated, there's litte reason left to live, so be sure to make every swing of your gnarled, death-dealing implements count.
Saving Throw: Smashing puny mortals into the air and splattering their remains across the cracked screen.
The Gist: A gig as a lowly caravan guard soon leads to run-ins with orc raiders and the denizens of hell in this Diablo-style hack-and-slashfest. Trouble is brewing in the dark catacombs of the Happy Cadaver Inn. Sharpening your blade on the bony corpses of the living dead while snatching up the hottest booty to tank out your warrior will undoubtedly put a smile on your battle-scarred face.
Saving Throw: When you can summon a giant bloody blade up from deep within the earth to pierce foes, you know all is right with the universe.
The Gist: Don't be fooled by its low-budget presentation; Tap Quest's frantic real-time strategy finger-fumbling yields some surprisingly good results. You'll pick your band of pixelated fantasy warriors and embark on a crystal-hunting romp in a series of unlockable worlds. Leveling up your adventurers and beefing up their evil-dispatching prowess in challenging missions makes the fruits of your labors tasty indeed. Collecting crystals hidden deep within each level opens up the path to new glorious exploits. Repeat as needed.
Saving Throw: Four brave adventurers walk into a room swarming with skeletal warriors. They’ve got a few bones to pick.
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