You massive baby. You've thrown all of your toys out of your pram and started to cry because you're 2-0 down at half-time. Sometimes you don't even register a loss. You utter, utter bastard.
6) Incessant chat in a foreign language
We're ready to start the match. Huh - someone's talking in French. That's fine, it's a beautiful language and we're keen to try our parlez vousing. We wait, patiently. They're certain to finish what they're saying soon.
But they don't. And there's nobody on the other end of the conversation. And after a minute or two, we start to wonder. Are they reading the news? Are they delirious? Is this some kind of prophecy or warning that the end of the world will come if we don't finish this race in the order he's telling us? And of course you can't mute them immediately because, as we already know, you can't pause the game. Sacre bleu!
Above: If only the reality were this glamourous
7) Having to install updates to play
If you haven't downloaded the latest patch, you can't even get online. But even if you have got the latest free patch you can't play with people who have bought the latest DLC. And then if you do go ahead and buy the DLC on day one, your mates won't be able to join you. Hardly the 'anyone in the world'that was promised on the box.