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Optimistically branded a `comedy', this shocking ruination of a movie will have punters citing the Trade Descriptions Act.

Big-eyed gawk Brittany Murphy stars as Molly, a rich, `charmingly' childlike orphan who's forced to take a job as a nanny when her inheritance runs out. Her charge? A neurotic eight year old (Dakota Fanning), a Little Miss Prissy who's obsessed with cleanliness, responsibility and suppressed emotions. They're chalk and cheese. Or at least they start out that way, the duo bonding and learning as the movie crawls along.

Derivative, embarrassing (a pop song entitled `Sheets Of Egyptian Cotton' reaches new lows) and insulting to the intelligence of eight year olds the world over, Uptown Girls shouldn't be seen on an 11-hour flight, let alone a cinema screen. Filled with bizarre story arcs, desperate mugging and tonal boobs, the only people it could possibly appeal to are the Gigli stars Ben and J-Lo: Uptown Girls may just save them come Razzie time.

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