As not played in: Various Pokémon games
So we could finally put down Pikachu with a lethal rodent-ridding anti-Pokemon serum.
As not played in: Duck Hunt
Who wouldn’t want to play with the happiest mallard-munching canine in games? He even has his own incredibly jaunting theme tune whenever he pops up on screen. And we want the sort of gleeful joy that can only come from duck-endorsed death collecting.
As not played in: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Who would you rather control? An annoyingly brooding, solemn ‘Captain Crew Cut’ lead or a droid who can morph into any single character in the Star Wars universe? Dibs on fish face from Jedi.
As not played in: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
Yeah, yeah. We know he was the main playable character in MGS2. But we’re not talking about that Raiden. We got the tortured, Back Street Boy-esque emo phase. We want the vampire slaying, Gekko-slicing, run along walls Cyborg Ninja of Death. And what did we get instead? A geriatric with a bad back and a respirator.
As not played in: Lylat Wars
Awww c’mon, how awesome would an 80’s style inner city Lylat Wars game be? Where the two comically mismatched animal protagonists have to begrudgingly put aside their differences to stop Andross. Please Nintendo?
Why oh why have Rockstar chosen some moody Hells Angels-wannabe for the GTA IV downloadable content when they already had the perfect NPC to star in their spin-off? Seeing Liberty City through the testosterone-addled eyes of Brucie Kibbutz would not only be much, much funnier, it would be more diverse, too. Just imagine the missions. Multiple dialogue choice quests for picking up bitches. Rhythm action gym games, so you can keep giving said bitches a ticket to the gun show - thereby avoiding any potentially embarrassing sexual orientation questions. And Brucie’s bull shark fishing: When you want to get those man boob-enhancing steroids fresh from the fish’s mouth.
