E3 07: Nintendo conspiracy uncovered

Wednesday 11 July 2007
So you've heard all about Nintendo's brand new anti-obesity exercising tool, Wii Fit, right? Used with a weighing scale-style peripheral - the Wii Balance Board - the idea behind Wii Fit is, as the name suggests, to help keep people in shape without having to tear their lazy asses away from the TV screen. Obviously, as hard-line sofa squatters we have absolutely zero interest in Wii Fit. But we can spuriously reveal Nintendo's shocking, artery-clogging strategy to make sure that keep-fit hating gamers will suddenly consider Wii Fit to be an essential purchase - donuts.

If Nintendo is so concerned about the size of our waistlines, then why the hell did it offer attendees at its conference a mountain of deliciously irresistable donuts for breakfast (see below) - surely it's sending out a mixed message? Well, we have an entirely baseless theory that Nintendo wants to make us fat, so that we'll need to get Wii Fit. OK, so it might sound a bit far fetched (because it is), but really - Wii Fit and a near endless supply of stodgy, sugar coated calorie bombs in the same place? It smells a bit fishy to us. Rest assured, we'll be keeping our beadies out for more fatty foods at any future Nintendo events and we'll keep you posted. Just as soon as we've filled our guts.

I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.