Battle Royale: Movie Cats vs Movie Dogs

Mr Tinkles (Cats & Dogs)

With Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore now in cinemas, there's no better reminder that felines and canines have always been locked in a war for the hearts and mind of movie lovers.

Take Mr Tinkles, for example, a White Persian so spoiled he wants to make humans allergic to dogs so he can bask in our love.

Pampered pet: 10
Evil genius: 10
Special powers: 0 (but he does have an army of cat ninjas)

Bolt (Bolt)

This canine celeb is a small-screen star. Trouble is, he thinks he's an action hero when he's really an actor.

But even if his on-screen superpowers are no such thing, he still believes he's a force for good... and what he loses in ability he makes up for in effort.

Pampered pet: 9
Evil genius: 0
Special powers: 0

Drama queen vs superstar

Farcical proceedings, as Mr Tinkles and Bolt are thrown together in a filmed lab experiment.

Tinkles thinks he's been cast in a new show alongside the famous star - but Bolt thinks he's on a mission to capture the fiendish feline.

Either way, both of 'em give it all they've got, trading blows and wisecracks.

Tinkles is hamstrung by thinking this is pretend, and eventually Bolt gets the upper hand because he believes it's real.

But when Bolt buys Tinkles' over-the-top 'death scene,' he's caught by surprise when Tinkles gives him a sideswipe as a 'final twist.'

Cheshire Cat (Alice in Wonderland)

This happy-go-lucky feline is a trickster even by cat standards. Well, we are through the looking glass, people.

His mischievous wit and seductive grin will lure you in, but then the tabby will evaporate leaving nothing but a smile.

Charm: 10
Cleverness: 10
Sincerity: 0

Dug (Up)

This golden retriever is perpetually up, high on life and the thought of hunting squirrels.

Thoroughly no-nonsense, there's no front to Dug - thanks to his voice collar, what you hear is what you get.

Charm: 10
Cleverness: 0
Sincerity: 10

Smiler vs Talker

Hyper-enthusiastic Dug comes bounding up to make friends with Chessur, but the naughty cat decides to have some fun at Dug's expense.

He lets Dug think they're best buddies and suggests they visit the park together, but when Dug sets off the Cat turns invisible.

Despondent, Dug trudges away - but he catches something out of the corner of his eye. Squirrel?!

Nope, the Cheshire Cat's grin...but Dug pounces on it anyway, inflicting a nasty wound that wipes the smile off the cat's face.

Perdita & Pongo (101 Dalmatians)

These spotty lovers are a happy couple and devoted parents of 99 - 15 of their own, plus another 84 adopted puppies.

The Dalmatian duo will do anything to protect their brood, as Cruella De Vil could probably tell you.

Parental perfection: 10
Weight of Numbers: 101
Fashionability: 9 - fur coats in waiting, the lot of 'em

Duchess & Thomas O'Malley (The Aristocats)

Duchess is high-class stock, but behind the aristocratic visog she likes a bit of rough.

Specifically wideboy alley cat Thomas O'Malley, a guy who can call on the services of musical Purr-isians Scat Cat and his band if Duchess' kids get into trouble.

Parental perfection: 10
Weight of Numbers: 10 (Duchess, O'Malley, 3 kids and the band)
Fashionability: 10 - these cats are hep

Dalmatians vs Aristocats

The over-eager Dalmatian puppies get in a scrap with Duchess' kids. Heavily outnumbered, the kittens call for back-up.

O'Malley roughs up the pups while Scat Cat deafens them with jazz.

Enter Perdita and Pongo, fangs bared - the cats are temporarily blinded by a sea of black-and-white.

But these alley cats, trained by a life on the streets, know how to play dirty and scratch the hell out of the dogs' no-longer-valuable coats.

Garfield (Garfield: The Movie)

Lazy bones Garfield wants nothing more than to lounge around, watch TV and fill his belly with pasta.

The only exercise he gets is the mental workout he gets from unleashing his droll wit on dumbass dog companion Odie.

Hunger: 10
Intellect: 9 (but slumming it)
Scaredy-cat: 5

Scooby-Doo (Scooby-Doo)

A foodie like Garfield, but a far more proactive one. There's little this dog wouldn't Doo for a Scooby snack.

Well, except visit the haunted fairground. Or the abandoned saw-mill. Or the monster-populated ski lodge.

Actually, probably best if somebody brings him lunch.

Hunger: 10
Intellect: 5 (his crime-solving prowess is more by accident than design)
Scaredy-Dog: 10

Lasagne vs Scooby snacks

A cat. A dog. A pizza delivery van... Scooby goes haring after it, but Garfield stays put. He's left a little surprise in the back of the van.

The crime-fighting hound opens the back of the van and grabs the pile of pizzas...only to find a skeleton lurking behind it.

Spooked, Scooby legs it in the other direction, and doesn't notice when Garfield casually sneaks the pizzas off him as he races past.

He's just about to tuck in when Scooby accidentally bumps into the property-developer-disguised-as-a-haunted-knight and does a swift about-turn.

Mouth open in terror, Scooby swallows the pizzas whole as he passes Garfield for the second time.

Hooch (Turner and Hooch)

The witness to a murder, this slobbery Dogue de Bordeaux should be a valuable ally for small-town cop Scott Turner (Tom Hanks).

Trouble is, nobody has house-trained Hooch, making him as much hindrance as help - the crashing into things isn't so much of a problem as the endless drool.

That lack of manners is bound to rile house-proud felines.

Etiquette: 0
Elegance: 0
Fussiness: 0

Mr Jinx (Meet the Parents)

Befitting a CIA-trained cat, Mr Jinx is as precise and pedantic as owner Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro).

Not content with using his kitty litter, Jinx has learned to use and flush the human loo. Yeah, that'll show those Fockers who's boss.

Etiquette: 10
Elegance: 10
Fussiness: 10

Drooler vs Loo-User

An unlikely houseshare turns into a warzone within minutes as Hooch inadvertently trashes the joint.

Jinx tries CIA mind-tricks on him...but this is Hooch we're talking about. The dog shakes his head and fires a shower of slobber over the cat.

Clean freak Jinx dashes to the bathroom to clean himself off, but nothing is sacred for Hooch and he busts the sink.

There's only one refuge left. Admitting defeat, Jinx flushes himself down the loo to escape the slobber-slaughter.

Puss in Boots (Shrek 2)

This dashing assassin might look all cutesy-wutesy, but don't be deceived. His looks are his chief weapon.

Well, apart from the teeth and the claws and the epee...

...but while your metaphorical heart melts, he's busy ripping out your actual heart.

Fur-ocity: 10
Style: 10
Pet Material: 10

Cujo (Cujo)

St Bernard's have a reputation for helping folk out and saving their lives. Not this one.

Cujo has been bitten by a rabid bat, and has gone feral with rage. Now the big beastie's on the rampage armed only withbrute force and big teeth.

Fur-ocity: 10
Style: 0
Pet Material: 0

Rapier vs Rabies

Puss is hired to kill the wild Cujo and goes on the hunt.

The Spaniard turns matador, using his cape to confuse the rabid dog while he sneaks in a few stabs of his sword.

But Cujo's size provides too much insulation for a clean kill, and he's too crazy to feel the pain.

He corners the cat. Puss attempts a failsafe flutter of his wide eyes...but Cujo hasn't even noticed. Chomp.

Catbus (My Neighbour Totoro)

Japanese public transport is streets ahead of the rest of the world, if this hybrid mammal/vehicle is anything to go by.

Nobody's sure if it's an ancient spirit or a weird genetic experiment, but the Catbus delivers one hell of a service.

It'll take you anywhere by land or air...and the seats are well plush.

Homing instinct: 10
Speed: 10
Passengers: several

Lassie (Lassie Come Home)

This border collie's determination to be reunited with his owner puts the rest of us to shame.

While we stay in touch by retweeting jokes from the comfort of our homes, Lassie travels hundreds of miles, braving storms and dog-catchers, just for a hug. Ahhh...

Homing instinct: 10
Speed: 5
Passengers: 0 - Lassie's gotta do this on his own

Road-runner vs Rambler

The race is on. The animal sanctuary is about to close and there's only one bowl left to drink out of.

Catbus floors it, legs pounding, and is soon within sight of the sanctuary...only to run out of juice.

Lassie takes the high road, but eventually catches up as Catbus drags itself to the bowl.

Catbus shines its eyes to temporarily blind Lassie, but Lassie grabs the bowl and jumps through the window into Catbus.

The feline vehicle can't get at Lassie without hurting itself, and the dog enjoys a refreshing drink.

Mr Bigglesworth (Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery)

Bigglesworth's a steadfast ally of Dr Evil, despite the villainous baldie being responsible for the cat losing his fur when Evil's cryogenic freeze went awry.

Why does he stick around? We reckon Bigglesworth's probably the brains of the operation, really. After all, isn't it supposed to be the henchmen who do all the hard work? The cat just sits there.

Ugliness: 10
Nakedness: 10
Desire for world domination: 10

Frank The Pug (Men in Black)

OK, OK, so Frank isn't really a pug. He isn't even from this planet. It's a disguise - but it's a good one. Had you fooled, didn't he?

In fact, he's a Remoolian, specialising in covert ops for MIB. We gotta admit, Agent F looks cool-as-a-canine in his ickle black suit.

Ugliness: 10
Nakedness: 1
Desire for world domination: 0 (but he could probably destroy us all if he wanted)

Evil sidekick vs alien spy

Frank's on a mission to stop Dr Evil bringing every alien in the galaxy to wage war on Earth.

All that's stopping him: Bigglesworth. And he might look like a lazy arse, but he didn't get to where he is today without having some kick-ass moves.

Frank fires an arsenal of extra-terrestrial weaponry at Bigglesworth, but the cat always lands on its feet, unharmed.

...Until Frank brings out one final piece of firepower: a mirror. Bigglesworth takes one look at himself and is shamed into submission.