According tothe best of Google’s translation abilities, Helsinki police just pulled off a conquest worthy of their mighty Viking roots. In a bust rumored to be worth 3.5 million dollars (possibly beaver pelt coins, or whatever the hell they use as currency in Finland,) a whole heap of hallucinogens, amphetamines, and other designer drugs are now safely beyond the reach of Nordic children and Techno Vikings. So, what does this mean to you and me exactly, outside of a really boring Bonnaroo this summer? Take a look at the extremely unofficial endorsement:
Above: The last place in the universe you’ll see a Nintendo Seal of Quality [Source]
What you’re looking at there is the Scandinavian scourge known as Bromo-Dragon-FLY, a powerful hallucinogen easily confused with blotter sheets of LSD, or perhaps more worryingly in this case, an Elite Club Nintendo reward! As monstrous as it may seem to peddle potentially toxic chemicals using the art from the original Super Mario Bros., there is one bit of good news to take away from this morally bankrupt scenario. Getting featured on your own designer drug is kind of a big deal, as that honor is generally reserved for globally recognized characters that span multiple generations. So congratulations, Mario! As the first game character to get your own designer drug, you’re now among the ranks of timeless figures like Felix the Cat,Tweety Bird, and Ethel the Massive Opium Slut (Vaudeville era.)
From the silver lining we’re sitting on, this proves that Mario’s been promoted from “Classic Game icon” tosimply “Icon.” How exciting! What/who do you think is next? Sonic Chronic?! Blood Omen: Legacy of Cocaine? 3D Dot Game Heroin?! Our comments below are jonesing for a rock of your buffoonery.
Jun 4, 2010