Half-Pint Heroes
Because video games are just pretend they dont have to adhere to any real laws of anything besides their own framework of leaky logic. This is great because it means even the most improbable and impractical and impossible and implausible things can happen at any given time. And gamers--always eager to entertain the suspension of disbelief--absolutely wouldnt have it any other way because its what makes games badass.
One of the unbelievable things commonly exercised in the worlds we play in is the unlikely hero, the against-all-odds adventurer who triumphs against insurmountable odds. Like kids who--at first glance--appear utterly incapable of blowing their own nose without mummy to help with the tissue, but actually end up smiting the Dark Lord of Ultimate Power and saving all of humanity and living happily ever after.
In honour of this fine gaming tradition of small vanquishing big, here are some of gaming's most evil bosses that were defeated by tiny little children...
Ansem, Seeker of Darkness | Kingdom Hearts
This bare-chested psycho is the dark-hearted architect of a dastardly scheme to make everything dark. Seriously, Seeker of Darkness isnt just a fancy-pants name--this guy is all about dimming the lights, but not in a sexy Barry White style of mood adjustment. Worlds, hearts, the entire universe... you name it, Ansem wants to make it dark like the dirty shadow of a lump of coal. Hes basically an all-powerful trans-dimensional black-hole in knee-high leather boots.
Defeated by: A juvenile with ill-fitting shoes, who enjoys the company of ducks, and has the voice of Haley Joel Osment.
Ganondorf | The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
As the wielder of the Triforce of Power, this hulking red-headed manifestation of evil is supremely powerful. He is the cruel conqueror of worlds and conjurer of giant malevolent demons. He enjoys punching children, throwing children, stabbing children with his giant swords (which are twice the size of a small child), and generally trying to kill any children who get in the way of his diabolical schemes of evilness.
Defeated by: 12-year old mute boy who lives with his Granny and enjoys sailing.
Mammon | Quest 64
Your archetypal floating winged demon with horns, claws, and a massive grudge against humankind, Mammon has pretty much got his demonic mind set on destroying everything. Hes been locked in a prison for a thousand years and is--understandably--pretty darn mad about it. This extended period of confinement is more than likely the reason for him wanting to cut loose and have himself some destroying time. When hes not planning on destroying things, Mammon creates soulless puppets to serve him.
Defeated by: A pre-teen trainee magician armed with a stick and a few rock-throwing spells. And whose name is Brian.
The Queen | Ico
Maternal instincts arent high on the list of redeeming qualities for this castle dwelling witch bitch--she has despicable designs on the juvenescent qualities of her own youthful daughters life force. Seemingly omnipotent within the grounds of her labyrinthine fortress, this royal reaper of cruelty and selfishness can command shadowy minions, materialize at will, and knows how to do a Medusa i.e. turn people into stone. Shes also a multi-linguist, although this isnt necessarily a hallmark of evil.
Defeated by: Ostracized village boy suffering abandonment issues which manifest as a desire for constant physical contact, such as holding hands.
Dark Raven | Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg
A pure evil feathered magical demon bird who wants to kill all the chickens (or at least make them really miserable) and sentence the happy land of Morning Land to the darkness of eternal night, which is the worst possible thing that could happen to Morning Land. As well as commanding an army of evil chicken-hating minions, this King of Crows can switch forms--from giant cawing monster to shadowy swooping demon bird--and can also fire evil energy balls from his wings. All in all, hes more sinister than avian flu.
Defeated by: A kid in a chicken suit.
Giygas | Earthbound
Like a beacon of malignant vibrations, this super powerful embodiment of evil broadcasts an insidious scourge across the world with his invisible mind-waves of undiluted wickedry. Giygas power is so powerful--so impossible to control--it has destroyed his own mind. He seeks to cast a horror of infinite darkness over everyone and everything. In the future Giygas has, apparently, succeeded in exterminating the universe, earning him the uncompromising nickname Universal Cosmic Destroyer.
Defeated by: All round decent kid who sometimes struggles with homework.
Stand up to bullies
Hurrah for the children! They will save us all. Unfortunately, because we are idiots we will have failed to put all evil defeating kids on this list. Please forgive us. We would be honoured if you enlightened us in the comments with any youngsters we may have overlooked.
For more things vaguely related to this, check out Video game box art interpreted by children and What is your favourite boss fight of all time ?
