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Word games
Despite the combined efforts of William Shakespeare and a litany of foul-mouthed MCs, it can often feel as though there aren't really enough words in the dictionary. Consider the word 'love'. Did you know that the French have over three billion words for it, in all of its beret-wearing diversity? English has only one - so just keep that in mind the next time you decide to regale a Gallic chum about your 'love affair' with chocolate ice cream - he might think you're a bit mental. From time to time we've all come across those distinct situations or subtle concepts that for seemingly no reason at all lack a single, simple signifier - some word, phrase or term that gets your point across with a minimum of fuss.
'Rage-rattle'
The spasm of pure, whimpering rage that accompanies an unfathomable gaming failure. Often brought on - or exacerbated by - the feeling of gross injustice. Rage-rattlers are known to contort their faces into pained gurn-like expressions, and communicate their sense of disapproval via screeching, quasi-demonic baby-talk. Some believe this behaviour stems from an unwillingness to go 'full-psycho' and instead bottle up one's fury - resulting in an implosion of barely contained, albeit oddly comical madness.
'Flashdash'
Not to be confused with the feature-length spandex advert 'Flashdance' (1983). Flashdash refers to the technique of forcing a recently injured (and temporarily invulnerable) avatar through harm's way. Often performed by design, most instances of 'flashdashing' represent an opportunistic attempt to surmount the same obstacle and/or enemy that landed the initial hit.
'Flyingfluke' (I don't give a)
To complete a difficult scenario at the first time of asking, with success adjudged to be dependent upon luck rather than personal skill. Often referred to as 'being a totally jammy bastard'. Instances of 'flyingflukes' are typically accompanied by a great wave of personal relief. Bowels may be voided.
'Redo-icide'
The act of restarting a checkpoint, level or encounter due to embarrassingly poor play. Note that the player is more than capable of completing said section but chooses to attempt it all over again, so as to do it 'properly'. Where restart functions are unavailable, players may decide to allow their enemies to dispatch them or commit on-screen suicide.
'Rescueticle'
Describes the circumstance in which a thumb begins to lose its grip on an analogue stick, requiring its opposite number to jump across and 'make the save'. Often occurs when changing direction suddenly, without the time necessary to reorient said digit. The situation is made all the more difficult by twin-stick titles, forcing the player to make a decision as to when to vacate stick A in order to 'save' stick B, resulting in an appropriately nail-biting scenario.
'Splunge'
From the Latin 'esplungicus', splunge refers to the build-up of residue inside of and around the seams of a video game controller. Scientists continue to debate the exact makeup of this 'splunge', though most seem to agree that it contains some combination of ectoplasm and crystallised human shame.
'Crapprehension'
A term describing the agonising wait to discover if a video game has indeed crashed. Glitches, slowdown and uncommonly lengthy load times may all masquerade as a 'true crash', forcing the player to wait them out before diagnosing the issue. Typically, a period of 10 to 15 seconds is required in order to do this, giving players ample time to panic wildly and/or speculate as to their lost progress.
'Suckcess'
A term for the rewarding of failure. 'Suckcess' can be attained in many forms - from sucking enough to be dropped down an entire difficulty level, to finding oneself resurrected at the next, as-yet-unreached checkpoint. Often intended as a helping hand for younger, less able gamers, these shortcuts - where offered - can prove intensely maddening to a more seasoned player, patronising poor play and effectively comparing them to a cack-handed child.
'Thicktory' ("Thicktory is mine!")
i. A heavyset member of the British conservative party.
Clarissa had been shooting goons for only half an hour when the game forced a boring puzzle upon her. Incensed at the interruption she attacked the obstacle with determined tunnel vision, eventually securing a random 'thicktory' and a swift return to shooting squishy things in the face.
'Plaste'
Mindlessly trying to complete a game long after any sense of enjoyment has passed. Marked by a sharp increase in player haste, plaste occurs when a gamer attempts to get a game 'out of the way', so as to move on - and more fully commit - to their next queued title. Some do so out of habit, while others act out of a desire to attain 'full' value. Psychologists characterise both behaviours as being 'totally bonkers'.
