Skip to main content

8 things old gamers moan about

New-Fangled Watchamajig: Motion Controls

Curmudgeonly Gamer Says: ‘’My bones are too brittle for me to stand and move simultaneously. What’s wrong with the humble thumbstick?’’

Above: British Politician Nick Clegg. Party’s over, folks

Open-Mind Gamer Says: While we agree that a massive appeal of gaming lies in lounging on the couch, your most strenuous exertion a flick of the finger, there is definitely a place for new methods of videogame interaction, provided they actually work. Couch-potato-gaming has its place, but as anyone who’s played Sports Champions with the PlayStation Move will attest, step-on-the-cat’s-tail gaming can be a riot. And for onlookers, there is no better divorce bait than Wii Boxing. The smiles are fake but the tears are real.

New-Fangled Watchamajig: First-person shooters

Curmudgeonly Gamer Says: ‘’Call me an old-fashioned Wolfenstein-3D man, but today’s shooters are appalling. Where is the creativity? BioShock you say? Well...’’*splutters into handkerchief*

Above: Timeless

Open-Mind Gamer Says: It’s natural for a certain people to hate what’s popular (they’re called ‘stubborn’). In gaming it’s the FPS genre so, appropriately, it comes under fire by folks who deem it puerile and trivial. After all, how can the unwashed masses possibly have good taste? Well, Grandpa, there’s a reason Halo: Reach and Black Ops sell millions – because they’re quality games. How about putting down that walking stick and giving them a go?

New-Fangled Watchamajig: Online Gamers younger than you

Curmudgeonly Gamer Says: ‘’Children should be neither seen nor heard, especially online, where even though I can’t see or hear them (when I use the mute function) the very thought of their youthful laughter makes me rueful.’’

Above: Cause for concern, but shake the sand out of your ass and get over it, grandpa

Open-Minded Gamer Says: Contrary to the nostalgic reminisces of a ‘golden generation’ who swear left their doors unlocked at night, not all children run on a diet of fizzy drinks and stolen sweets, and for those you run into online that do there are three courses of action: mute, report, find a new match (and possibly some new friends). The sharp rise and seemingly tactical offensive of that notorious gaming bane that sets FPS forums ablaze – the ‘12-year old COD kid’ – isn’t as widespread as you’d think, and, we’re ashamed to say, there are just as many potty mouthed adults out there.

New-Fangled Watchamajig: Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick

Curmudgeonly Gamer Says: "How Kotick makes me pine for the days of the humble bedroom programmer. What an unscrupulous young man he is."

Above: Unscrupulous

Open-Minded Gamer Says: Uh, you have a point.

Hate gamers who moan? Want to have a moan yourself? Moan your moans away in the comments!

Mar 16, 2011

Awesome design shines through no matter what

Technology evolved… these games didn’t

Great versions of great games on lo-tech platforms