Sounds Like: The biopic of a famous, vampire-obsessed novelist. Doesn’t actually contain vampires.
Actually Is: Well, there aren’t any vampires, but there’s no Bram Stoker either. Instead, there’s Mia Wasikowska going kill crazy under the malign influence of Matthew Goode…
Honey, I Blew Up The Kid (1992)
Sounds Like: A harrowing domestic drama dealing with a couple’s grief at the loss of their child in a terrible gas explosion.
Actually Is: A chucklesome family comedy in which silly old Rick Moranis transforms his young son into a car-squashing behemoth.
Straw Dogs (1971)
Sounds Like: A Pinocchio-esque fairytale about a lonely inventor who creates some four-legged friends for himself out of some straw. And would you believe it? They come to life!
Actually Is: A harrowing tale of rural terror, as some angry bumpkins decide to turn Dustin Hoffman’s new life in the country into a living nightmare.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Sounds Like: The last ever outing for hockey enthusiast Jason Voorhees. Farewell old friend!
Actually Is: The fourth film in a series of twelve (and counting). Hmmm.
Scary Movie (2000)
Sounds Like: We could be in store for a genuinely frightening horror film.
Actually Is: A genuinely unfunny spoof. Of a film that was kind of a spoof in the first place.
There Be Dragons (2011)
Sounds Like: A swords-and-sorcery-packed quest movie in which a diminutive hero must journey to a dangerous land in order to save the kingdom.
Actually Is: A historical epic set against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War, a conflict notorious for its lack of dragons.
Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch (1982)
Sounds Like: The next instalment in the Michael Myers story, with the white-faced ghoul going on another rampage.
Actually Is: An entirely unrelated tale of horror, with Myers nowhere to be seen. Hmm.
Whip It (2009)
Sounds Like: A sadomasochistic saga in which an innocent young girl discovers the illicit pleasures of BDSM when she starts up an affair with a wealthy businessman.
Actually Is: A perky high-school sports movie about a roller-derby team.
Sounds Like: A Jurassic Park spin-off in which we follow the adventures of that ferocious T-Rex as she prowls Isla Nublr with no humans to get in her way.
Actually Is: A hard-hitting tale of domestic abuse, starring a very angry Peter Mullan but no dinosaurs.
The Deer Hunter (1978)
Sounds Like: The account of a backwoods hunter’s ongoing duel with an elusive buck. Who will emerge on top?
Actually Is: A stark account of the horrors of the Vietnam war. Where are all the deer?