Guarding Tess (1994)
How Bad's The Film? Cage is tasked with protecting Shirley McClaine’s former First Lady, but finds her utterly repellant. Sort of the way that we found this supposed ‘mystery comedy’ repellant.
How Bad's The Hair? FBI short. With shades. The shades we can live with.
So-Bad-It's-Good? More vaguely likeable in an ‘I miss my Gran’ way. The idea’s alright, shame about the execution.
How Bad's The Film? Pivoting on a completely ridiculous idea – that a man can steal another man’s face – the three-pronged attack of Nic Cage, John Travolta and director John Woo ensures that the ridiculous premise becomes still more preposterous through their hammy delivery.
How Bad's The Hair? So bad that John Travolta looks genuinely terrified it’s going to smother him in his sleep.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Just about. Never has the word ‘corny’ been more applicable.
Con Air (1997)
How Bad's The Film? Action movie bad. So, big explosions = good. John Malkovich as cackling villain = frenzy-making. Everything else = pretty duff.
How Bad's The Hair? A travesty. Like a faded rock metal star got genetically crossed with a yeti.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Just about. There’s fair entertainment value in the ridiculous action set pieces, while Malkovich gives good ham.