Spurious Awards Of The Week

Ugly aliens, Superman’s not-so-super pants, Kurosawa Yoda, LEGO hobbits and a whole load more, awarded by guest Spurious supremo Jayne Nelson

Ugly Alien Of The Week

You wasted half your childhood playing Space Invaders (not that you regret it, mind) but would you have been quite so eager to spend all those hours with something that looked like this?

Artist Tom Carruthers decided to create a digital image of what one of those invaders look like – and boy, is it fugly. Still, at least they never took over the Earth thanks to your excellent shooting. Pat yourself on the back, kiddo.

“Inconceivable!” Menu Of The Week

The Alamo Drafthouse cinema chain in Texas has come up with a wonderful way of promoting its Princess Bride screenings on Valentine’s Day: a specially-themed menu! Mmm, those Twue Wuv Twuffles sound delicious. Count us in!

Health & Safety Oversight Of The Week

The Mayor of Storybrooke in Once Upon A Time – aka the Evil Queen – did a good deed in the latest episode, thoughtfully building a playground for local children. See?

But what on Earth are parents thinking, letting their beloved sprogs play on something made out of... blades? It’ll all end in tears, you mark our words.

You’ve Been Slimed Of The Week

An unsuspecting chap in Bournemouth was faced with a puzzle when a bunch of blue jelly balls fell from the sky and landed in his garden. Nobody’s figured out what they are yet, but if this is the first sign of an alien invasion we’ll be over in the corner, sniggering about them having “blue balls”. Heh.

Turning Japanese Of The Week

We all know George Lucas was partly inspired by the films of Akira Kurosawa when he made Star Wars (specifically 1958’s The Hidden Fortress , which is a damn fine movie). But what would his saga have looked like if it had actually happened in feudal Japan with a twist of sci-fi?

Hats off to artist Clinton Felker for these beauties.

More Spurious Awards on the next page…

Terrifying Dancing Robots Of The Week

If Cylons had been programmed to do this instead of all that “wiping out humanity” nonsense, just imagine how much fun Battlestar Galactica would have been!

...Although these guys still look as though they’re about to storm off stage and start zapping our brains. We’re worried.

“Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane?” Of The Week

To promote the release of Chronicle , Thinkmodo whipped up some flying humans and released them over New York City. Now we want them to do this with dragons for Game Of Thrones . Please? Pretty please?

LEGO Of The Week

Another week, another piece of glorious SFX -friendly LEGO to stroke while hissing, “My Preciousssss!” This time we’ve got a Lord Of The Rings treat: posters promoting the new sets on the way in June, including the world’s most miserable Frodo - look at the bags under his eyes, poor dear! Then again, carrying that absolutely enormous Ring all the way to Mount Doom would take its toll on anyone...

Unfortunate (Yet Fitting) Juxtaposition Of The Week

It’s not quite “this week”, we admit, but it only works in retrospect. Searching through our archives a few days ago, we couldn’t help but notice this ironic juxtaposition of text and image – especially since, as it turns out, the answer to the question on everyone’s lips is, “More turkey.”

Whose Side Are You On Anyway? Of The Week

BioWare’s plans to give players of Star Wars: The Old Republic the chance to have same-sex relationships in the game (we expect Threepio was lobbying behind the scenes) was met with predictably homophobic outrage from morality campaigners in the USA. However, the Family Research Council’s angry response to the news really took the cake when they proclaimed smugly: “In a new Star Wars game, the biggest threat to the Empire may be homosexual activists!”

We’re not quite sure what they mean by that, exactly, but it sounds suspiciously to us as though they’re seeing themselves as the plucky Rebel Alliance taking on an evil Empire – which is rather weird, because so do a good majority of the players (the ones who’ve chosen to play Rebels, anyway). Which means, of course, they’re actually on the same side .

Logic flawed, it is. Force not with you. Go away, playing game, we are.

Load Of Old Pants Of The Week

Superman’s underpants have been causing some consternation in a suburb of Malaysia by claiming to cure erectile dysfunction. Ads for “Seluar Dalam Superman (Superman’s Underwear)” reveal that the briefs use magnets, negative ions and even infra-red to help with all manner of penile problems.

Locals aren’t impressed, however: Mohd Ilham Samudin , for one, said he thinks the advertisements are shocking. “For me this could cause a bad influence among the community. Superman fans, especially the men, could be duped into spending thousands of ringgit to buy the product with the assumption that they could gain special powers by wearing them.”

Insert obvious joke here about “So that’s where Henry Cavill’s Superman pants went to!” Oh, and for the record? We doubt very much that these underpants will cure your manly issues. Sorry.