SFX Spurious Awards

Of The Week… Charmed gets a sexy makeover, Gene Hunt makes a tit of himself, creative swearing and loads more…

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF OF THE WEEK
The idea of a Charmed comic didn’t exactly have us waiting on tenterhooks… at least, not until we saw the cover for issue two. Blimey. That’s not the show we remember. But it’s the one we dreamt about occasionally. Is it just a coincidence that the artist is Greg Horn ?

UNINTENDED INNUENDO OF THE WEEK
Honestly, China Miéville’s latest tome, Kraken (catch the review in SFX 196), is full of Spurry Award potential (MOST UNEXPECTED CAMEO FROM A TRIBBLE springs to mind) but we know you all love an out-of-context quote with phnarrrr potential, so here goes: “Dane held his Kirk in the air and waved it.” What makes it better is that his “Kirk” is indeed a little man… (a Captain Kirk action figure, in fact).

STOCK MARKET TIP OF THE WEEK
If you’re the type who likes to dabble in shares, you might want to invest in biscuit manufacturers Burton’s Foods* – but do it before Saturday night, eh? Why? Sorry, we’ll have to dodge that question for now...

* Warning: the price of shares may go down as well as up. And if you take financial advice from us, probably will.

QI-STYLE FACT OF THE WEEK
Watching Matt Smith’s Doctor Who has made us wonder: why, exactly, do people shout the name of a Native American leader when jumping out of aeroplanes, and the like? Turns out it dates back to 1940, and a paratrooper called Aubrey Eberhardt, who’d been watching a movie about Geronimo the night before making a jump. Read more here .

WORST LIP SYNCHING OF THE WEEK
How much fun was that “Uptown Girl” skit in Ashes To Ashes ? Gene Hunt flouncing across the screen like a poncing poof (as he’d no doubt so tactfully put it if he saw himself). Classic. Russell, who’s reviewing Ashes for Spoiler Zone, rightly points out that it was funnier than anything they came up with for Sport Relief. When it came to lip synching, though, Philip Glenister could do with extra training. It look less like he was miming and more like he was coincidentally chewing gum in rhythm.

MOST DEPRESSING CAREER DECLINE OF THE WEEK
You still can’t get better than a Kwik Fit fitter, it seems – at least, not if you’re a talking car from Knight Rider .

MOST CREATIVE SWEARING OF THE WEEK
Step forward James Kochalka’s Superf**kers , which follows a bunch of teenage asshole superheroes. It’s absolutely crammed full of potty talk. Above are just a few of our favourite examples...

BOOK COVER OF THE WEEK
Y’know, some awards just speak for themselves.