The jammin’ Sega classic ToeJam & Earl is available on the Wii Virtual Console, PlayStation Network, and Xbox Live Arcade, so you won’t have a problem tracking it down in time for Valentine’s Day. As the titular aliens, you and your partner will have to work together to recover spaceship parts and get off the bizarre, dangerous planet Earth. It’s not going to be easy, but surely you and your partner can work peacefully together and get Toe Jam and Earl back to Funkotron, right?
Just... don’t open any gifts that haven’t been identified. No, I told you not to open it, the elevator is RIGHT THERE. Don’t do it--rocket skates? ROCKET SKATES! Great, now we’ve skated off the side of the planet and fallen down three levels. You’re literally the worst person alive.