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Dirty Dancing review

It Boots Up
AT A GLANCE
  • Dancing the night away!
  • Fantastic music!
  • Ah, nostalgia!
  • No actual dancing
  • Ear-bleeding music
  • Awful, awful "gameplay"

You’re expecting us to say “We’ve had the time of our life,” aren’t you? Probably “nobody puts Baby in the corner” too. Maybe something about a melon. It’s the only reason you’re reading this review. You don’t care if this rancid collection of minigames is any good or not. You’re just here for Swayze puns, you filthy slut. You do know the man’s currently dying of pancreatic cancer, right?

Fine, fine. Watch us dance for you. We haven’t had the time of our life. We’d rather be put in a corner than have to play this melon of a game ever again. We’d prefer to be ravished by Swayze than to endure another of its shockingly irrelevant minigames. Snap? Find the object? Match-3? We don’t remember any of those appearing at Kellerman’s. Still, it’s nice that we can spend the points we’ve earned on a polar bearskin rug for our house. A house we can’t do anything with other than stare at, a crude, static visualization of all the time we’ve just wasted.

Dirty Dancing is solely concerned with making the box look like the movie DVD and with Photoshopping blurry screencaps of cast-members onto playing cards, while a few token songs from the soundtrack repeat ad infinitum. The entire game is only 70Mb, but even so it takes longer to install the thing than it probably did to develop it. When we were young, our sisters all had a Dirty Dancing phase. We remember thinking at the time that the daily 40 minute journey to school, listening to a fraction of that damned soundtrack on our parent’s cassette player, was probably what hell was like. Now we know we were wrong. Listening to that damned soundtrack blaring out of our 7.1 speakers while arranging badly-drawn pictures of sandwiches into stacks of three - that’s much more like eternal damnation.

May 22, 2008

More Info

Release date: Apr 08 2008 - PC (US)
Apr 20 2008 - PC (UK)
Available Platforms: PC
Genre: Other Games/Compilations
Published by: Codemasters
Developed by: Codemasters
ESRB Rating:
Everyone
PEGI Rating:
3+

1 comment

  • Narudude360 - August 2, 2009 2:40 a.m.

    Shameful, simply shameful. This is the worst "first" ever. I totally hate this game, and my [second] "first" is on the first game to recieve a one.

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