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Black-Eyed Peas Kinect dance game apparently revolutionary, sounds like potential body-horror nightmare

So, you may well know that Ubisoft is making a Black-Eyed Peas themed dance game. Which is great. Because as I've oft theorised, the only way to improve the experience of flailing one's arms around during a desperately embarrassing, misguided attempt at fun is to do so while making it abundantly clear to all in the room that you have really shitting appalling taste in music. 

But wait! There's more! As the game is apparently going to be revolutionary within the motion-controlled dance genre. Not only that, but it's going to be revolutionary in ways which, going off previous Kinect-powered experience, may well unleash upon the world a whole torrent of seething Cronenbergian horrors and grotesque crimes against the human form. So everyone wins!

Read on, so that I can explain my point with words and illustrations.

The revolutionary bit? Where games like Dance Central simply present a pre-rendered, pre-animated character on-screen and charge you with mimicking its movements, The Black-Eyed Peas Experience will use "a revolutionary system where the player is actually going to be able to control an avatar and see their dance moves and get real-time feedback on how they are performing".

And lo, the sky did turn black with the wings of a thousand feral bats, as the air became thick with the screams of the damned. Truly, the time of man was an and end, and an age of chaos and disintigration had begun. Why am I worried? Think about this: We know that Kinect can have issues when rendering avatar movement as a real-time, 1:1 animation. Churning out a blurry Predator-vision scanner view of your movements? Fine. When processing a 3D, on-screen, computerised character as well? A bit jerky and imprecise. So this can happen:

Now multiply that by the wonderful medium of dance, then multiply the sum of that by ten to the power of the Black-Eyed Peas:

 

Of course, I'm being facetious for the sake of a cheap Photoshop gag here (and don't pretend you wouldn't do the same), and I have no doubt that Ubisoft is working its collective arse off to ensure the anatomical integrity of its dancing people-puppets. But really. Think of the horrors this could spur into being if it goes wrong. Think of the horrors and then never sleep again.

Source: Digital Spy

July 04, 2011

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17 comments

  • Turboash - July 5, 2011 6:14 p.m.

    Funny article is humorous.
  • therealmaggo - July 5, 2011 5:17 a.m.

    Yeh this is pretty bad news. Luckily, I think this will sell all of four copies, and you and I know who those four will be.
  • taokaka - July 4, 2011 10:45 p.m.

    Hopefully they'll have something like guitar hero where if you suck too much the crowd will boo you off stage, but if it were realistic the crowd would boo them off stage before they even got on which would prevent us listening to their music. Problem solved
  • Hobogonigal - June 29, 2012 6:02 a.m.

    Ahahaha, that's so funny and hilarious. I sure do bet that this game is released within a year of this article's publish. I guess that gives the developers a great 5 days of development time left.
  • Hobogonigal - June 29, 2012 6:06 a.m.

    I just realised that you win. My comment on that article is a good year before your first ever comment, meaning that you have commented on something that people don't care about anymore. Plus today you said that you joined GR at about the same time as me. Check again punk.
  • taokaka - June 29, 2012 7:02 a.m.

    This cumfuzzles me, I remember that your joining of Gamesradar was what made me join like a month after you, I even remember you tried to figure out who I was but the facts do say otherwise. The only way to explain this is time traveling space octopus people. I don't really know where our relationship goes from here, I mean you're an entire year older than me so I suppose we should just hang out in secret on year old articles that nobody checks and post links to random youtube videos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp464vKKu5g
  • GringoStar - July 4, 2011 8:36 p.m.

    Ugh I see future titles now: Justin Bieber: The Experience Kidz Bop: The Experience Katy Perry: The Experience Lady Gaga: The Experience New Kids On The Block: The Experience and last but not least Prince: The Purple Rain Experience
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - July 4, 2011 7:37 p.m.

    I get a headache everytime I hear this band, I pray to god this game gets cancelled!
  • nicksayswatzup - July 4, 2011 4:55 p.m.

    "Hi! I'm Taboo! I'm in the Black Eyed Peas!" "Hi! I'm appl.de.ap! I'm in the Black Eyed Peas!" ..."We are in the Black Eyed Peas!"
  • lilbuddha - July 4, 2011 3:31 p.m.

    I'm sure it'll be as good as their super bowl performance. http://www.popeater.com/2011/02/07/black-eyed-peas-halftime/ *ears explode from screeching voices*
  • Shanetexas - July 4, 2011 3:28 p.m.

    WE CANNOT DRESS LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS! EVER!
  • Tatts4Life - July 4, 2011 3:12 p.m.

    LOL love the last picture
  • shadowreaper72 - July 4, 2011 1:12 p.m.

    ....my faith in humanity has sunk even lower.
  • EnragedTortoise1 - July 4, 2011 1:11 p.m.

    Achievment Unlocked: Sweet Child 'O Mine Fail out of a song
  • RicePuddingUK - July 4, 2011 12:29 p.m.

    So it'll be something different? Unlike their songs I take it, their songs don't even have verses, it's just "Chorus+repeat+repeat+repeat"
  • b-dog1991 - July 4, 2011 12:08 p.m.

    As long as it gets us closer to the Videodrome game we've all wanted...
  • flabslapper - July 4, 2011 12:06 p.m.

    CAN'T SLEEP! BLACK-EYED PEAS WILL EAT ME!

Showing 1-17 of 17 comments

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