Most Xbox 360 Achievement points are for sensible things - completing levels, mastering moves, defeating tough bosses, that sort of thing. But sometimes - sometimes - they're just silly. Here's a collection of 50 of the oddest, weirdest and downright dumbest Achievements a gamer can get.
Asterix at the Olympic Games
Free all the pigeons: Open all the pigeon cages in the game to unlock this achievement (30 points)
Because pigeons should be allowed to roam free and poop on people's heads as they please. It must be a French thing.
Battlefield: Bad Company
Manic Lumberjack: Knock down a small forest (15 points)
The devs missed a shining opportunity to call this 'I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK'. If you're having trouble killing those ferocious trees, you may find it useful to know you can shoot them, stab them, use explosives at their base, or launch rockets at the evil foliage.
Blitz: The League
Burning Sensation: You feel itchy down below. Did you pick up something from your last opponent? (69 points)
This is one of many variations on the 'catch it from playing with someone else who has it' theme, but Blitz: The League just makes it seem so... sordid. To ensure you feel itchy and scratchy play against an opponent who has 'it' and ask them nicely to use an Unleash move on you, to be 100% sure you also get 'it'. Then you can pass it on to others in the same way. Sharing is caring.
Blind: Threw 5+ interceptions in one game (0 points)
This may well be achieved without even trying, but if you're struggling by being too good at the game, try throwing plenty of deep balls against the New England Regulars.
Blitz The League II
Testikill: Ruptured 10 scrotums in any mode of play (20 points)
Nasty, just nasty. If you're feeling particularly mean towards your AI or multiplayer buddies, you'll need to get a strong hit directly in front of the character carrying the ball, and then aim low.
Skidmark: Cause 3 weather slips to your opponent in a Campaign Mode game (10 points)
You can get an opponent to fall down if they're on a slippery surface (for example, mud) by flicking the right thumbstick while you have the ball.
Escaped more than 50 times: You fled from battle more than 50 times (0 points)
Do like Monty Python and Run away! Run Away!
Defeat King Poo: Find and defeat the rare monster King Poo (30 points)
The Achievement isn't so odd in itself, but then there's the fact that you need to find a giant poo and fight it to get it. 30 points is not to be sniffed, but be warned - King Poo is one of the hardest monsters to defeat in the game. The scoop on the poop: King Poo will appear after you get full control of the Mechat on disc three and can be found in the ancient ruins caverns north-north west of Talta Village.
HELL Difficulty Mode Cleared: All stages were beat in HELL mode (1 point)
Aw, that's just mean. One miserable point for completing the game on the toughest difficulty level?
Bully: Scholarship Edition
Green Thumbs Up: Pick 50 flowers (20 points)
Flowers are the cheapest gift in the game that you can give to the ladies (or the boys, if you're that way inclined) for a smooch. The in-game ladies obviously aren't all that smart, as they don't seem to realize that the flowers in question grow right outside their dorm, although - be warned - not in Winter.
Skidmark: Give 50 wedgies (25 points)
Now this is more like something that skinhead schoolboys like Jimmy Hopkins would actually DO. It only works on boys. Sneak up behind your victim, lock on to them and - when prompted - give those kegs a forceful vertical tug.
Command and Conquer 3
Mister NO it all: Negative achievement: Skipping the Tutorial suggestion from SP (0 points)
This only counts the first time the option appears, though.
Welcome to 2047: Press the A button 2047 times, the year the game takes place (20 points)
No, you won't get it from accumulated A-button pressing that you do as a matter of course while you're playing the game. You will have to sit there and press A again and again for five to ten minutes in-game. How badly do you want those 20 points?
Costume Party: Place novelty masks on at least 10 zombies (20 points)
Grab a mask from Child's Play in Paradise Plaza, put it on a zombie, kill it, take back the mask. Rinse and repeat.
Freefall: Drop from a height of at least 16 feet (20 points)
Look, mum, I can fly! Splat! Actually, you don't pick up that much damage. Simply drop down from the second to the first floor of the mall.
The Hunter: Kill a sweet, innocent, fluffy bunny rabbit (5 points)
You know we'd never have actually even considered it if there wasn't the question of those five points.
The Chicken Kicker: Kick a chicken a good distance, or see one getting kicked (5 points)
It's such a temptation when a quest isn't going your way to just give one of those annoying chickens in your way a little punt. In fact, in one particular quest, the only way to complete it is to boot a few chickens into a pen. Shame on you Mr. Molyneux.
The Swinger: Take part in a debauched bedroom party with several participants (5 points)
Simply proposition one prostitute and once securing his/her amenity to Coming Back to My Place, proposition another, do the same, and then go find a room with a bed. Pervert.
The G.O.A.T. Whisperer: Took the G.O.A.T. (10 points)
G.O.A.T. stands for Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test. We're pretty sure that Bethesda only called the test the GOAT for the mirth of various "Did that get your goat?" related funnies. The test is taken early on as part of the storyline. We were urged to become a pastor. Can't imagine why.
Psychotic Prankster: Placed a grenade or mine while pickpocketing (10 points)
Taking someone's stuff is mean, but then giving them a grenade doesn't really successfully say sorry.
Suicide King: Killed yourself 5 times (0 points)
Psst... EMO kids. Wanna play F.E.A.R.?
While your down there: Killed ten critters during the perseus mandate campaign (5 points)
Five points up from the last game, where killing five rats and crows only nabbed you the achievement of Vermin Badge and a score of 0 points. Also wins a bonus award for managing to bypass an entire QA process (or one simple spell check) and use incorrect grammar.
Grand Theft Auto IV
Warm Coffee: Successfully date a girl to be invited into her house (5 points)
It's good that they can laugh about the whole Hot Coffee thing now.
Let Sleeping Rockstars Lie: Kill a Rockstar developer in a ranked multiplayer match (10 points)
Fortunately, you can also kill someone who's killed one, as otherwise you might be in for a long wait on Xbox Live.