You might%26rsquo;ve seen gray haired gamers crying in corners over the weekend. Sad news, old schoolers: Sonic 4, the hedgehog%26rsquo;s 11th return to form, has beendelayed until late 2010. We%26rsquo;ve been told that it%26rsquo;s due to issues of quality assurance, and by that we really hope that means addressing thisdumbass mine cart level we reported on a while back.
Personally, I hate when Sonic%26rsquo;s lazily plopped into a ridiculous vehicle for no other reason than Sega couldn%26rsquo;t think of anything else to do with him. First off, there%26rsquo;s almost nothing you can put Sonic on that isn%26rsquo;t slower than his own two feet. And yes,that matters! What Mario is to jumping, Sonic is to running. He%26rsquo;s synonymous with red shoes and legs like blurry cyclones, simple as that. Second, the only %26ldquo;benefit%26rdquo; to making Sonic ride anything, is to provide a useless stable of candy-colored imbeciles the chance to keep up. And lastly, it looks f***ing stupid. But I%26rsquo;ll let Sega explain:
Above: Stupid for sure, but why does Tails%26rsquo; facelook eerily similar topeople you see on security camera footageleaving the scene of a sexual battery?
Above: Sonic flips the British bird to onlookers chanting at him to get back to his roots
Above: We have no idea WTF that contraption being ridden is called, but it%26rsquo;s clearly powered on the dying breaths of one%26rsquo;s dignity
Above: Determined to make Sonic slower, Sega has him pedaling a bike through the vacuum of space for a %26ldquo;WAY COOL%26rdquo; E.T. moment in front of an Eggman Death Star
Above: Too cool for Hebrew School!
Above: Makes Sonic and Tails look like a gay couple arguing over directions
Above: SONIC ART RULE #1: Tails must never look more dignified than Sonic!
Above: What%26rsquo;s Sonic riding here? Why, the Information Super Highway of course, by way of a preteen girl%26rsquo;s phone. (The lightning bolts mean cancer)
Above: There%26rsquo;s a fine line between %26ldquo;ATTITUDE!%26rdquo; and a bad attitude, Mister! Why so glum, Cap%26rsquo;n Cool? There are starving children in Africa who would kill to ride in a helicopter!
Above: While Sonic and The Boyz dofight inspace, Santa delivers Mario items to the good little boys and girls on Earth