Cleaning crime scenes ain't pretty. First time you do it, you think it's just going to be mopping up big puddles of blood, but that's never the way. There's the broken glass everywhere, bullet casings, and the smears and footprints created by the people at the scene who didn't stop to consider when slipping around in their own blood that someone would have to deal with all the mess afterwards.
Oh, and you may need a chainsaw, because all that stuff you see in the Hitman games where he just carries bodies around like they're hollow mannequins? Yeah, it's not that easy. Bodies are heavy, and they're way lighter in pieces.
Luckily, you don't need to write a checklist of all the stuff you'll need for 505 Games' upcoming stealth-and-crime-cleaning game Serial Cleaners. That's because you'll have four professionals at your disposal, each with their own talents and equipment that should help you go in, get rid of the evidence, and get out of there while evading the cops and other miscreants who loiter around on the scene.
First up, there's Bob - trusty old Bob with his no-nonsense vacuum cleaner and impressive ability to slide along blood stains like a figure skater at the Winter Olympics. The all-rounder of the crew, and OG of the clean-up crew, Bob approaches crime clean-up like a janitor approaches a high-school canteen after-hours. A safe pair of hands for hoovering up every last drop of blood on the scene.
For someone with a little more flair, Lati's your gal. Her parkour skills allow her to avoid cops and security guards with ease, and she's a pretty talented street artist too. Tag 'Fuck the Police' on the floors, then while the police fume over your fine work, sneak past them and get on with the job you were hired to do.
Vip3r is the quintessential 90s hacker. Get her onto any device with electrical wiring (and preferably a circuit board), and she'll turn the whole damn building upside down. Use electronics to create diversions and open mechanical doors and gates to ease your escape, but just remember that that the cops aren’t stupid – once they get the lights back on again, you need to skedaddle!
Then there's Hal. Ahhh, sweet 'Psycho' Hal and his–let's just say–unique way of doing things. The guy needed some straightening out before he became capable of not turning crime scenes into even bigger crime scenes, but these days he's one of the best in the business. He's also the only one on the team with the stomach to chop up bodies with a chainsaw, which is handy given there’s a few woodchippers lying around too. Convenient.
Before you chop bodies up though, give them a little kick first to make sure they're really dead. Don't want to start slicing up a screamer now, do we?
Whatever your preference of corpse disposal, Serial Cleaners arrives on the scene September 22. The game will be available on Steam (opens in new tab), Epic, GOG, and all major consoles. You can also follow the game on the official site (opens in new tab), Facebook (opens in new tab), Twitter (opens in new tab), and Instagram (opens in new tab).