Buzz Uncut: Danny Wallace Rules...

ZAMUNDA
The National Identity: James Earl Jones would be forced to record voiceovers for every eventuality within the revamped Zamunda. His fine and noble voice would be heard from each and every inanimate object, no matter what it is, in order to avoid costly signposting and also help the blind.

Imagine walking past a lamp-post, and it saying to you, ‘I am a lamppost’ in James Earl Jones’s voice. This is the country we would all love to live in. ‘I’m a conker’; ‘I’m some lip balm’; ‘I’m James Earl Jones’s glasses’. We would never tire of this. Never!

Arsenio Hall, however, would be exiled.

MYPOS
What I would do: As this is the home of Balki from Perfect Strangers and his sheep Dimitri, I would call for the immediate repatriation of any citizens who may have found their way out of the country. I would then close all the borders and sneak out the back way and seek exile elsewhere. An island full of Balkis (or Balki, to give them their proper plural) is no place for anyone else. The lack of Balki anywhere else in the world would be my gift to planet earth. However, the one thing I would bring with me would be Balki’s dance of joy:

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