What if... Tarantino made a Guy Fawkes biopic?


Quentin Tarantino presents...


Ignomineous Terrorests


INT – YE OLDE DINER - DAY


We open on GUIDO FAWKES sitting in a medieval diner. He’s surrounded by the other Ignomeineous Terrorests: LIMEY KILLER ROBERT WINTER; THE WRIGHT BROTHERS: JOHN WRIGHT AND CHRISTOPHER WRIGHT and THE BATES MOTEL: THOMAS BATES. Fawkes sounds like a cross between James Coburn in Dead Heat On A Merry-Go-Round and Tony Musante in The Bird With The Crystal Plumage – one charming motherfucker.

Fawkes looks every Ignomineous Terrorest in the eye.

Fawkes takes a drink of mead.



Michael
Bay presents...


Michael Bay’s Gunpowder

A Michael Bay Production of a Michael Bay movie. Directed by Michael Bay. Michael Bay.


EXT – HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT – DAY

A military helicopter flies over the House Of Parliament. A large-breasted blonde parachutes from it in a bikini. She distracts the guards while GUY FAWKES and his crew of ROBOTS drive a Ferrari through the back-gates of the Parliament or whatever. Somewhere in the distance, rap music plays.

CUT TO:


HUGE FUCKING EXPLOSION. THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT HAVE EXPLODED AND A GIANT AMERICAN FLAG FLOATS DOWN FROM THE SKY COVERING THE REMAINS. THIS LOOKS AMAZING.

CUT TO:

EXT – NEW YORK – DAY

Lots of NEW YORKERS are punching the air in celebration.

CUT TO:

Fawkes lights a cigar.

Die, Parliament, Die!

EXT – CHICAGO – DAY

A bunch of midgets dressed as monkeys and monkeys dressed as policemen dance around with some naked girls and Tara Reid for 88 minutes. The end. What did you expect? Poetry? Go ahead, start a petition. See if I care.