Things gamers don't actually care about

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By published

Even though you're supposed to



What they are: It’s like getting a whole new game out of the game you already have, except it’s actually, like, the same game.

Why you care: Your illogically unquenchable thirst for bragging rights. It’s important to be able to say you beat the game on Hardcore, Extreme, Insane, Godly, Hard-boiled, Hardcore-Boiled, Boil an Egg or whatever the hardest difficulty is. We’re not sure why.

Why we don’t: We already played through the game once, and it’s not going to be any different the second time.

Cranking up the difficulty almost always has only two effects: bad guys do more damage and have more life. Here are a few other things games could do that we thought of during the daily lunch-nap: Spawn more normal-strength enemies, change the story, cut down on health regeneration, limit weapons or ammo, increase the frequency of attacks from higher-tiered enemies, make regular enemies attack in smarter ways or add severe restrictions for revival.


Above: One of these screens in on hard the other one is on extra hard. If you can’t tell, why should we?



What they are: Pictures of the game you’re already playing.

Why you care: Everybody’s got to unlock something.

Why we don’t: Could we unlock a hat instead? That would be better, and hats suck too.