A logo for F-Zero Z magically appeared right around April 1st, leading many sane-minded gamers to believe it was a joke and nothing more. But the logo took on a 2000kph life of its own and next thing ya knew it was a full blown sequel officially on its way to Wii. Well, jury's still out on that (people are still debating its legitimacy), though it did raise an obvious point - there hasn't been a console F-Zero since 2003, and it's high time we were treated to a 30-car pileup on a hovering futuristic raceway.
The rumors suggested weapons would be added. A big misstep in our opinion, as F-Zero has always been about pure, unrestricted speed. Brain-melting amounts of speed, with twisting courses that loop, corkscrew and flip all over the damn place while lung-punching techno guitar riffs shred in the background. Imagine all that taken online (competently, we hope). Casuals wouldn't give a toss, but the hardcore, the poor, starving hardcore, would lap it up like ice-cold oasis water in an endless desert of brain training games.
Yeah, like that up there. We want more of that, please. Don't dumb it down with crap-ass motion controls, don't rubber band the computer AI, don't add weapons that unbalance and undermine the very purpose of the game. Just deliver a solid, screamingly fast online experience for those who've patiently waded through all the "expanded market" riffraff.
Oh come on Square, we know you're cooking this in a secret lab somewhere so make it goddam official already. Remaking one of the most popular games of all time is a license to print money, plain and simple. Fanboys, newcomers, everyone would jump on this and PS3 would shoot through the roof (even more than it will when FFXIII decides to wake up and ship). Ever since they dropped this "tech demo" at E3 2006, the many-tentacled beast that is the internet has refused to let the dream die:
Square's not shy about milking the living hell out of its properties. Final Fantasy VII, despite being a sixth sequel, has become its own franchise with five games under its banner. Not too far a leap then to think a total redesign for the most lucrative sequel of its most lucrative series is out of the question. And it desperately needs it, as the PSone visuals have aged like a fine wine in a bottle made of shit. Still, Square insists it's not happening.
We just hope the inevitable FFVII re-issue doesn't take the form of another DS remake. FFIII and FFIV have already received the treatment, and FFVII could likely fit on a DS cart or two (remember, Resident Evil 2 was crammed onto an N64 cart and that was loaded with cutscenes as well). We say "boo" that that, and "yay" to a gorgeous PS3 version.