The Top 7... Climbers that make me wish I wasn't a horse

They came. They saw. They climbed

5. The Prince, as seen in Prince of Persia


Sometimes, being small and weak has its advantages. Despite his stringy forearms and fragile frame, the Prince from the Prince of Persia series never ceases to amaze me. It also didn't hurt that the first Prince of Persia, released for the Apple II in 1989, featured some of the most fluid animations ever seen in a videogame. You really got a sense for how hard it must have been for the Prince to pull himself up from ledges with his incredibly weak forearms.

It was also the first game that I can remember, which successfully incorporated a real sense of the physicality of climbing into what was essentially a platformer. Gone were the unrealistically high jumps and long leaps seen in other platformers that came before it. Like most humans, the Prince couldn't hold a match to a horse when it came to running or leaping. His tiny hops realistically represented the limits of a human's un-muscular build. But that only made his relentless ability to conquer ledges that much more impressive.


Above: Unfortunately, like so many male protagonists in gaming, the Prince's only motivation for action has to do with a helpless human woman in distress


Both Altair and Ezio also seem to be experienced riders, which does not harm my high level of appreciation for these dangerous non-horses. But it's the way Altair and Ezio always press forward without hesitation that makes me admire these two fine specimens of the human species so greatly.


Above: My hooves control Desmond Miles, who in turn, controls both Altair and Ezio as they bravely climb to heights equestrians have only dreamed of


The awe inspiring Mercer doesn't climb buildings with his arms. He scales them with his powerful hind legs, which propel him with a frightening force. Every movement he makes is filled with rage as he relentlessly leaps from building to building while slashing anyone dumb enough to get in his way to pieces.

The nightmares have stopped since I finally finished Prototype. But from time to time, I still have terrible visions of a future where mankind has grown a pair, a pair of evolved hind legs that actually have some kick to them. In my dream, I see men in tracksuits running circles around me as I gasp for breath, unable to move. Meanwhile, an army of human babies with sock puppets wall-run up the skyscrapers surrounding me. As their chubby calves flex and pulsate, I see a young foal in the distance charging towards me. I realize that the young steed is running from Alex Mercer. The vicious shape shifter is shrouded in darkness and is quickly gaining on the foal, who is now galloping in slow motion. I know something terrible is about to happen, but I am powerless to stop it. But again, I digress.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Who? B. Buttercup What? Senior Wildlife Editor How did I get here? After receiving an honorary degree from Brown University’s College of Science, I moseyed on to Pfizer, where I spent four years in the research and development department working on experimental treatments for Alzheimer’s disease. Life seemed pretty sweet. I had all the sugar cubes, Adderall, and cash that an equine could want. That’s when I met GamesRadar’s Associate Editor, Chris Antista, a young human, who convinced me to leave the highly lucrative pharmaceutical industry with a large bag of feed. Stuff I done: The Top 7… sexy horses every stud should ride Loves: Sugar cubes, prancing, getting published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, National Velvet, salt. Hates: Spurs, jockeys, Elmer’s Glue, The Godfather. Now playing: Plants vs Zombies, BlazBlue, World of Warcraft
We recommend