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The most mediocre box art

Oh, the ever-present box art story. We've been to this well a few times before, but in the spirit of 7/10 week, a celebration of everything ho-hum about the games industry, we had to call out some of the most yawn-inducing packages we've noticed.

 

 

Want a surefire way to make someone's wallet snap shut faster than a supercharged bear trap? Combine an aggressively mundane title like "Suikoden Tactics" with washed-out colors with a trio of uninteresting cosplayers attempting to recreate the Charlie's Angels logo. Wonder if that would help at all...

Nope, didn't work. Still bored. The only thing that could make this less desirable is a series of button commands and a battle grid slapped right on the cover.


Hello, placeholder art! First time we saw this we swore it was a stand-in, something EB Games slapped together just to make it available for pre-order. It probably began as plain black with the logo, then someone at Acclaim demanded a "Keep It Dirty" blab and the obediently rebellious "AKA" stamp. Sorry guys, this doesn't even count.


Whoa, slow down there! We like stacking blocks as much as the next website but this is just a bit too wild and crazy for us. Could this baby-faced cretin hock Trioncube any more boisterously? We’d better sit down for a spell and catch our breath.

If the sarcastic entry didn’t do it for you, we’ve prepared this alternative observation: here’s a box that looks as boring as stacking blocks sounds.


No energy here at all.

Ninja: “Uuuuhhhnn… I’m swinging my sword in your general direction.”
Thug: “Aaah, no, please I’d rather you didn’t.”
Lady: “Please excuse me, I’m trying to walk to a better box.”

12 comments

  • Sjoeki - October 4, 2011 1:14 p.m.

    I can still remember playing that shinobi game, one of the first games I played on a color tv! Those were the days.
  • ichigoame - February 24, 2011 8:48 p.m.

    @millsanimation yeah i thought because it said 'xxx' on the box they didn't put anything too saucy on the cover,added a bit of curiosity I think
  • MillsAnimation - August 30, 2008 7:33 p.m.

    I find it strange that BMX XXX is on this list of "mediocre" box art. As from what I recall it had the BEST EVER. Just open the box, take out the sleeve flip that B over and BAM... Giant stripper butt that was branded with the game logo on her butt cheek. So perhaps this should be updated and added to BEST BOX ART EVAR. :p I know every time I visit a blockbuster or game store, I flip over every copy I can find to share this easter egg with the world!
  • SwampRock - May 22, 2009 5:15 a.m.

    Family video will sue you now! stolen property recaptcha: newtax peskier
  • Maikeru_Go - February 12, 2009 9:13 a.m.

    That F-16 Fighting Falcon art looks about as exciting as the MS Excel box from that era. Also, what's with the usage of clip art for Outrun?
  • oreopizza47 - February 10, 2009 12:24 a.m.

    counts* sorry grammar nazi
  • AA95mp - January 28, 2009 2:15 p.m.

    i found the startropics one relaxing
  • ultimate_asswoopin - December 15, 2008 8:33 p.m.

    hey bmx xxx didnt suck because how many games do you play not counting on the internet that has two ramps that are put together and painted up to look like a pair of BOOBS huh? oh and the ninja from shaodow dance looks like its wearing a part of storm trooper armor
  • Wolf007 - December 13, 2008 1:10 a.m.

    Since MillsAnimation didn't say it, I will 1st. And by the way, BMX XXX SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • oreopizza47 - February 10, 2009 12:23 a.m.

    yah mon, Amplitude=epic WIN. although, it is a teensie bit repetitive after *ounts on fingers*.... the first area. amazing music though and a truly great idea. could have pulled it off a bit better though.
  • ultimate_asswoopin - December 15, 2008 8:35 p.m.

    sorry for the double post
  • ultimate_asswoopin - December 15, 2008 8:34 p.m.

    hey bmx xxx didnt suck because how many games do you play not counting on the internet that has two ramps that are put together and painted up to look like a pair of BOOBS huh? oh and the ninja from shaodow dance looks like its wearing a part of storm trooper armor

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