Of the millions of Americans who enjoy bowling every year, perhaps dozens will find themselves damaged by AMF Xtreme Bowling 2006. We're here to stop you from being one of them.

Since the old game of ten-pin bowling isn't too hard to replicate - how many polygons do you need to create a lane, anyway? - Xtreme tries to doll it up with black light, neon and, naturally, dames. The opening cinema shows more bare midriffs than you're likely to find in a real lane, strikes are rewarded with animations of gyrating girls and the character creator lets you turn any female into a silicone queen. But all that extra padding can't compensate for the poor foundation underneath.

A bowling game with bad control is like a bicycle without pedals - it looks like it should work, but then you try to steer it and it's a disaster. Despite being able to add spin and aim your shot, the ball usually goes where it wants to. As you progress, you can unlock attribute points to improve your accuracy, but you won't want to.

Maybe it's a good thing that there's no online play - it's best to keep these ugly player models, awkward animations and irritatingly short sound loops away from the internet, where they might breed and multiply. If not for the novelty of tiny skirts and huge knockers, we'd have already forgotten AMF Xtreme Bowling 2006.