An implacable evil has invaded the world. It attacks indiscriminately, it can’t be reasoned with, and it won’t stop until it has completely obliterated a perfectly good genre. It comes in a little Games for Windows box and it’s called Alone in the Dark. Run for your life.

It looked promising enough, with a dark and perfectly serviceable story that plops Edward Carnby in contemporary New York, which is under siege by what appears to be a giant, angry crack. But what Atari delivered is a disc of epic fail notable primarily for its bizarre and illogical camera and control scheme that seems sadistically designed to confound, obstruct, and create nightmarish routines out of common tasks every step of the way. If you think I’m exaggerating, consider this: Carnby’s cell phone has a rotary dial.



That’s typical of the genius you’ll experience “playing” Alone in the Dark, along with a quick-turn key that’s disabled when you’re fighting enemies, and “quick-draw” weapon shortcuts that require two hands to activate. You’ll have a blast trying figuring out that you can only combine the “explosive plastic bottle” with the double-sided tape to create a sticky bomb - not the other way around - only to discover that you must whip open your jacket again after you’ve thrown it and re-equip your gun in real-time while your enemies beat you to death. And this is how things are supposed to work. God help you when they don’t.

And often, they won’t. In the single thrilling moment I squeezed out of this tower of suck, I had lost control of a car I was driving down a crumbling New York city street and spun out 180 degrees until I was facing the advancing chasm. I slammed into reverse and steered frantically backwards for several seconds before the car simply stopped - it may have collided with a gnat - and the street swallowed me up.



The game does feature gorgeous fire that propagates impressively in real time. In fact, twice the game took over camera control from me to play an animation while Edward was standing close to fire, so by the time the animation was over and I regained control, he was engulfed in flames. Bravo.

The game, such as it is, descends in this clumsy, broken way all the way through to the end, saving the worst for last in a sequence that has you doing an hour’s busywork while the screen warps as if you were on acid. It’s no wonder that the game allows you to advance to the next “chapter” (also known as a “level”) in the story at any time. Think about it: the developer built-in a level skip. I recommend a cheaper alternative: the game skip.

PC Gamer scores games on a percentage scale, which is rounded to the closest whole number to determine the GamesRadar score.

PCG Final Verdict: 28% (don't bother)

Jul 8, 2008