Games have always been the perfect medium for escapism. Whether you’re taking on a walking nuclear tank with a stealthy pensioner, triple jumping through a distant galaxy with a portly plumber or blowing up a planet-sized ring with a stoic supersoldier; videogames have always been a vehicle for the fantastic.
You’d think then that games based around superheroes would be the ultimate expression of these impossible feats and incredible powers. Nope. Unfortunately, most superhero tie-ins have had more tedious tasks than chances to protect the planet. And the following games all have moments where their hero’s powers are woefully wasted.
As seen in Spider-Man 2 (balloon retrieval) for GameCube, PC, PS2 and Xbox, and Spider-Man 3 (Mary Jane taxi service) for 360, PC, PS2, PS3 and Wii
Who wants to swing around the Empire State Building or stop bank heists with the webbed wonder when his games give you the choice of saving children’s balloons from precarious skyscraper ledges? Not exciting enough for you? Don’t worry. Spidey 3 frequently forces you to swing Mary Jane home in timed races. Next time, get the subway like every other New Yorker you lazy bint. We’ve got bags of air to save.
Doc Ock brutally murdered a bus of school children while the webbed wonder saved these balloons
As seen in Fantastic 4 for GameCube, PC, PS2 and Xbox
The power of flight. Something man has dreamed of mastering ever since the dawn of time. Being able to glide gracefully through the air is clearly a big burden for the Human Torch, though. He’d rather take a cargo elevator – which drops all of twenty feet – in the first level instead of doing his best Supes impression. Icarus would be crushed.
Flame off! Anyone else going to the seventh floor?
As seen in X Men: Wolverine's Revenge for GameCube, PC, PS2 and Xbox
Adamantium is quite the metal. Once cooled it’s indestructible, and, with it coating Wolverine’s entire skeleton, you’d think nothing would get in his way. Wrong. Wolvy’s retractable adamantium claws are apparently no match for a locked door. And even though they should be able to cut through titanium like a hot katana through butter, Logan is still forced to find and collect keycards to progress through the game.
Adamantium: No match for a barely boarded-up door
As seen in Iron Man for 360, PC, PS2, PS3 and Wii
Why would Sega go to the trouble of giving you control of a hero with a flying, billion dollar, missile-launching suit and then force you to do the job of a glorified electrician? Among the countless menial objectives Tony Stark has to blow up, nothing gets the blood pumping like taking out some power couplings. Next time your city’s about to be wiped out by Blizzard, don’t bother calling the metal man - just pick up the phone directory instead.
Iron Man Electrics: He's in the book
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