Best Onscreen Other Half: Chloe (2009)
Liam Neeson is : David, husband under suspicion.
In this remake of saucy French thriller Nathalie... , Neeson's character cops off with hot call girl played by Amanda Seyfried. And it's his wife (Julianne Moore) who sets up the escort to try to catch him out after getting the feeling that he may be a deceitful adulterer.
How cool is that? His missus sets him up with Amanda Seyfried! And - spoiler alert - cops off with her herself! That's the kind of attitude that could convince us to settle down.
It's out this week, so you can find out for yourself if it ends happily.
Worst Onscreen Other Half: The Other Man (2008)
Liam Neeson is : Peter, cuckolded husband.
The tables are turned on in this little-seen dull-fest.
Neeson plays a husband who suspects his ball and chain (Laura Linney) of being unfaithful (with latin lothario Antonio Banderas, of all people).
The talent is criminally wasted, and it closes with a jarringly-clunky twist.
And Amanda Seyfried doesn't get naked once.
Best Villain: Batman Begins (2005)
Liam Neeson is : Henri Ducard, shady Bruce Wayne helper.
In Nolan's franchise shake-up, Neeson takes on the role of Henri Ducard, who introduces the future-Batman to the League of Shadows and its mysterious leader Ra's al Ghul.
After being injured during Bruce Wayne's explosive escape, Neeson reappears for the kind of killer twist that so rarely makes it into a big blockbuster without spoilers having been splattered all over the net.
Worst Villain: The Haunting (1999)
Liam Neeson is : Dr. David Marrow, morally dubious psychologist.
In Jan de Bont's retelling of Shirley Jackson's novel The Haunting of Hill House (already made into a perfectly effective chiller by Robert Wise in 1963), any semblance of atmosphere is destroyed by the presence of frighteningly-bad CGI and implausible characters.
Neeson's Dr. Marrow sets up the whole thing, as he's trying to study psychological reactions to fear (sadly he won't find any of that here). Neeson (and the rest of the half-decent cast) can be grateful that the movie has been utterly forgotten.
Best Beard: Clash of the Titans (2010)
Liam Neeson is : Zeus, Mount Olympus-dwelling deity.
To play Zeus, King of the Greek gods, in Louis Leterrier's epic remake, Liam displays a suitably majestic beard. The fact that Zeus wears a suit of armour may not be to everyone's taste, but no-one can dispute the godliness of his monumental chin-rug.
By Zeus' beard, it's awesome.
Worst Beard: Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Liam Neeson is : Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Knight and Obi-Wan mentor.
Liam's fluffy facial fuzz lacked the gravitas a noble Jedi needs. We've got a feeling even Yoda could grow a better once, if he concentrated hard enough.
Thankfully the awful mullet he wore distracted attention away from his chin. That, and the fact that Obi-Wan's was ginger.
Best Historical Figure: Schindler's List (1993)
Liam Neeson is : Oskar Schindler, Nazi-riling factory owner.
Neeson received an Oscar nom for his performance in Steven Spielberg's gut-wrenching holocaust drama.
Commands the kind of respect due to a real-life figure who saved over a thousand Jews from Nazi persecution.
Worst Historical Figure: Rob Roy (1995)
Liam Neeson is : Robert Roy MacGregor, William Wallace wannabe.
Neeson does his best but can't stop the movie being desperately dull. His Braveheart-lite hero takes on Tim Roth's campy villain in this rambling period drama, and there's not nearly enough swashbuckling to balance out the boring bits.
While we watched it all we wanted was - all together now - "Freedoooooooooom!"
Best Badass: Taken (2008)
Liam Neeson is : Bryan Mills, a kidnapper's worst nightmare.
It's impossible to imagine anyone other than Neeson as the no-nonsense ex-CIA agent who heads to Paris to crack some heads when his daughter is kidnapped.
Neeson invests Pierre Morel's ridiculous, '80s throwback actioner with a muscular hero who could convince as Jason Bourne's pop.
Worst Badass: Next of Kin (1989)
Liam Neeson is : Briar Gates, vengeance-seeking brother.
Despite featuring Neeson, Patrick Swayze and Bill Paxton as surely cinema's most awesome triumvirate of brothers, this workmanlike thriller never really get off the ground.
Neeson ducks out before the end when his character is stabbed to death, leaving sensible sibling Swayze to solve the mystery.
Best Religious Allegory: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
Liam Neeson is : Aslan, Narnia's feline ruler.
Liam lends his dulcet tones to Aslan the lion, a thinly-veiled Jesus-metaphor in this adaptation of C.S. Lewis's classic of children's literature. If there's an actor in Hollywood manly enough to voice a lion, it's definitely Neeson.
Christ-allegory Aslan resurrects after being put to death by the White Witch (Tilda Swinton), ensuring Neeson's place in Prince Caspian and beyond.
Worst Religious Allegory: Seraphim Falls (2006)
Liam Neeson is : Colonel Morsman Carver, grudge-holding confederate officer.
Liam Neeson goes head to head with Pierce Brosnan. The Emerald Isle's biggest stars play hunter and prey respectively in this Civil War western.
The title seems to refer to the fictional setting, but also hints at the story of a fallen angel. Things get really heavy handed when when the men receive a dream-like visitation Anjelica Huston as Louise C. Fair (say it back to yourself).
Best Father Figure: Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Liam Neeson is : Baron Godfrey of Ibelin, Medieval crusader.
Neeson's Baron Godfrey takes his estranged, illegitimate son, Balian (Orlando Bloom), under his manly wing, and makes sure he knights him before croaking. Makes a good fatherly impact with limited screentime.
And not many dads can stop their kids from whinging with the anecdote: "I once fought for two days with an arrow through my testicle."
Worst Father Figure: Love Actually (2003)
Liam Neeson is : Daniel, Claudia Schiffer-snaring widower.
As one part of Richard Curtis' romantic carousel, Neeson plays the widower who is left as the sole carer of stepson Sam (Thomas Sangster).
Neeson's father figures are at their best when teaching their kids how to dispense an ass-whupping or going postal to save kidnapped offspring.
They're less cool when negotiating the awkward explanation of the birds and the bees to lusty ten-year-olds.
Best Accent: Michael Collins (1996)
Liam Neeson is : Michael Collins, the eponymous Irish revolutionary.
Neeson clearly graduated from the Sean Connery school of accents. Thankfully this role enabled him to use his natural Irish brogue to full and convincing effect, and he imbues the character with an authentic weightiness.
Worst Accent: K-19: The Widowmaker (2002)
Liam Neeson is : Captain Mikhail Polenin, semi-fictional naval officer.
Under the direction of a pre- Hurt Locker Bigelow, Liam failed to heed the most important lesson at the Sean Connery school: do not, under any circumstances, attempt a Russian accent, especially on board a submarine.
Thankfully Harrison Ford's awful Ruskie intoning takes some of the glare of Neeson.