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28 comments

  • christian-lourens - October 18, 2014 1:21 p.m.

    Possibly worst article yet
  • cbrinkmann1981 - October 6, 2014 7:37 p.m.

    To help save time for the newcomers to the comments section, I'll summarize what are, and will likely be at least half the comments on here: "This article is picking apart how these super powers would suck in real life, but the author needs to realize that in the game it works because blah blah blah blah reasons. "Self awareness isn't my strong suit."
  • freeden - October 6, 2014 6:15 p.m.

    Pretty much any game can be picked and pulled like this, but I like the creativity. I mean, we could really use any FPS as an example. Doom? You're hit with everything from bullets to hellfire, but as long as your find a health kit, you're fine. This bring to image a guy wrapped in bandages, hopped up on morphine, but with half his face singed off and riddled with bullet holes. How about the ability to jump incredible heights? In some games, with the height you can jump, falling back down would likely break your legs, or worse. Mario is full of so much more than just mushrooms. What about fireflowers? What does it take to generate the kind of heat needed to create a fireball, much less use ones hands to shoot it? Or how about Mario turning completely metal? His entire body would die from organ failure, as his entire body would turn into metal. BioShock? Don't even get me started. But of course games are meant to have these silly, superhuman (or creature) displays. Speculation over the many ways they defy reality could go on and on.
  • rxb - July 28, 2014 10:13 a.m.

    Sorry Hooters, there's no way I can agree with the bullet time one. Come on, it would be kinda amazing. Unless you aged normally in bullet time and ended up older than everybody else. Also are we just gonna ignore the Bionic Commando Wife Arm now? Next you'll be telling me Okami sold well.
  • Shyplay - July 28, 2014 12:37 a.m.

    There is a main problem with this article, mainly the fact that you ignore the realities shown in the games used as examples.. Let's take the first slide for example, the mushroom from Mario. You exclaim that it would be terrible, but for reasons explained away in game. We know that the clothes stay on, because they do in game. We know that it doesn't reduce you to a heap of flesh because that's not what it does in game. You cannot say "this is bad because of how it works in real life" because it isn't in real life. You have to say "This sucks because of how it works in the game." Returning to our example, imagine how it would work. It would be like being stuck in a forest, perpetually looking for the something that might save you, and give you a fighting chance against the armies of local fauna and hazardous cliffs. Why does Mario & Co. stay on the paths? Because drifting off of them is likely much worse then what's on them. For these types of articles, it is much more interesting to think "this is how it works in the game, so what are the results if we take for granted what is actually there?" Instead of "this couldn't work in real life because of how things in this age work, so let's forget how it's shown otherwise."
  • Earthbound_X - July 26, 2014 9:27 p.m.

    A lot of these are pretty much magic. Magic doesn't have to follow the universe laws of nature, so they could still work.
  • GR_DavidHoughton - July 28, 2014 3:50 a.m.

    Yeah, but what if it did? That's the implication of 'in real-life'
  • pawndidater2 - July 26, 2014 7:07 p.m.

    See also: Required Secondary Powers on TVTropes.
  • mothbanquet - July 26, 2014 1:58 a.m.

    Let's not forget the semi-modern staple, regenerating health. Yes, you are alive - through burns, car crashes, diseases, broken bones - as a horribly deformed, scarred mess that will only get more grotesque as time goes on. That, and the accumulated pain from all these injuries would likely drive you to madness.
  • Shyplay - July 28, 2014 12:46 a.m.

    From what it have seen, the scars would likely regenerate also. But the pain never ends, as you regenerate to full health each time, and thus each time it would feel like the first, and you can never escape it, as you keep regenerating. That's why Wolverine is so mad and brooding all the time, because he has to go through all that,
  • mothbanquet - July 28, 2014 2:16 a.m.

    That's why he hates playing CoD - he just sits there raging at the pulsing red screen screaming "IT'S NOT WORTH IT, DAMMIT!!!"
  • kaleb-mayhew - July 25, 2014 11:35 p.m.

    what about normal invincibility where you just can't get hurt or die and stuff. than combine that with a bionic arm and super speed.that would still suck some how most likely i just can't think how,enlighten me.
  • Shyplay - July 28, 2014 12:43 a.m.

    Never get hurt or die: imagine all your friends, your family, rotting away while you never change, never grow, and you can never do anything about it, to end it, to relive yourself of the pain of your loss. Super speed: imagine having to restrain yourself constantly, never to run all out, or to even flinch, in case you travel much farther then intended, and ruining, or taking, someone's life. Every time you moved an inch. Bionic arm: imagine never to feel the touch of anyone there, of not feeling whole, of having this thing attached to you that you can never take off. Something that can never equal the thing you lost.
  • noah-zuniga - July 25, 2014 9:01 p.m.

    Imagine powers from Prototype 1 and 2 etc can you guys get some info on that too?
  • g1rldraco7 - July 25, 2014 4:33 p.m.

    Teleportation would make getting food and games easier
  • C.King - July 25, 2014 3:04 p.m.

    i think you missed a point with the warp teleportation whatever. in cosmic break, a online shooter, there's this support unit some people use that can open up warp gates. this could be used to quickly enter the battle or retreat in theory but the problem is since u yourself didn't set it up you have no idea where your heading and that sudden jump from point a to b is very disorientating, not knowing where you are. one second you're in ur base recovering but accidentally back up into the gate and then ur in the enemy territory without even realizing it, u don't even know if ur facing the right way to get back or what ever u are doing .now the unit is now more for trolling your teammates.
  • GR_DavidHoughton - July 28, 2014 3:49 a.m.

    That's a fair point. I was going to go with disorientation and accidental teleportation as well, but ultimately I decided to restrict this to character-specific abilities rather than ones furnished by the likes of teleport stations or jump gates. The Unreal Tourney Translocators are stretching it a bit, I know, but I reckon they're close enough.
  • _--_ - July 25, 2014 2:49 p.m.

    --its all about 'moderation' --and 'understanding' your powers --you know --like those 'training montages' in EVERY SINGLE HERO MOVIE EVER!!!
  • ryanjohnson - July 25, 2014 12:19 p.m.

    Invincibility: A more explosive version of the Midas Touch. Except while Midas might starve eventually, with no food able to make it to his mouth, every piece of food you touch explodes before you eat it, but invincibility keeps you alive, so you're perpetually hungry, like some shambling, rainbow zombie. Thank God gaming invincibility only lasts 30 seconds. I'd hope it'd translate over.

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