50 Worst Movie Sex Scenes

Completely unsatisfactory

Showgirls (1996)

The Scene: Brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘moist’, as Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan engage in a little pool play.

Look Away When: Berkley starts thrashing around like a… berk.

Body Of Evidence (1993)

The Scene: An erotica-free encounter between Madonna and, uh, Willem Dafoe. Further evidence that there’s nothing sexy about Madonna whatsoever.

Look Away When: Madge gets out the candle wax. Ouch.

Crank (2006)

The Scene: There’s having fun in public, and then there’s just publically showing off. Which is what Jason Statham and Amy Smart are doing in this very public shag sesh.

Look Away When: The Stath starts thrusting and the crowd starts cheering.

Hollow Man (2000)

The Scene: Newly-invisible scientist Kevin Bacon takes advantage of his invisibility by breaking into his sexy neighbour’s house and forcing her to have sex with him.

Look Away When: The invisible man starts messing with the dressing table mirror…

Swordfish (2001)

The Scene: Hugh Jackman gets orally pleasured as he attempts to crack a website. Meanwhile, John Travolta’s got a gun to his head.

Look Away When:
Jackman starts going cross-eyed.

Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

The Scene: David Morrissey screws a pretty young blonde while imaging she’s Sharon Stone. We’re sure many men identify with him.

Look Away When: Morrissey purrs “turn around”.

Wild At Heart (1990)

The Scene: Ridiculously well-placed sheets attempt to keep Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern’s dignity intact. Instead, the complete opposite happens.

Look Away When: Cage starts growling.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (1971)

The Scene: Truly disturbing. Director Melvin Van Peebles enlists 13-year-old son Mario to shoot a scene for his movie in which he has sex with a considerably older prostitute.

Look Away When: The film starts. This is deeply unsettling stuff.

Porkys (1982)

The Scene: Lassie (Kim Cattrall) gets down and dirty, and lets loose one of the most ridiculous orgasmic banshee cries we’ve ever heard.

Look Away When: Cattrall starts shrieking.

Color Of Night (1994)

The Scene: Bruce Willis and Jane March throw themselves around in a pool.

Look Away When: You think you’ve caught sight of Willis’ sausage.