5. Hooch - Turner And Hooch
Why he should be rubbish: Hooch is a dog.
Why we like him: Hooch’s a mangy mutt who leaves trails of gruesome slobber everywhere, drinks beer and doesn’t respect authority – it’s the Total Film team in dog form! But seriously, any pooch that can wrench the stick out of Tom Hank’s Turner deserves a medal in our book. We wouldn’t want to pin it on, though. Hooch’s mucky.
Defining moment: The night-time howling scene – the first time Hooch shows Turner who’s the owner, and who’s the dog.
Quote: Er, "Ruff"?
4. Pedro - Napoleon Dynamite
Why he should be rubbish: Let’s face it, he’s a bit weird, isn’t he?
Why we like him: He’s cool, calm and collected – and so self-assured that he believes the hottest girl at school would go on a date with him. Pedro’s our kind of people and his mate Napoleon Dynamite’s polar opposite. Like all great sidekicks, he brings out the best in his accomplice; and is always there to lend a bit of muscle (even if it does come from his relatives).
Defining moment: His whole presidential campaign – which is essentially all Napoleon’s idea. It’s bit like if Batman had forced Robin to run for Mayor, then performed a silly little dance to make sure he won. In other words, ace.
Quote: "If I win, you can be my secretary or something."
3. Samwise Gamgee - Lord Of The Rings
Why he should be rubbish: He’s a chubby farmer who speaks with a Devonshire accent. How many bad-ass chubby bumpkins do you know?
Why we like him: Gollum might call him a fat Hobbit, but Sam demonstrates every quality required of a decent sidey. He’s loyal, honest and – most important of all – he doesn’t try to nick the spotlight.
Defining moment: When he had a go at Frodo for wearing the ring and going all evil. Nice one, Sam.
Quote: "Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!"
2. Tyler Durden - Fight Club
Why he should be rubbish: He doesn’t exactly have his friend’s best interests at heart.
Why we like him: Where do we start? Tyler Durden is the Hobbes to Ed Norton’s Calvin – an imaginary friend who leaps on his creator whenever he gets the chance, to pummel him into submission. It’s a weird way to bring out the best in someone, but it works.
Defining moment: Forget the rules of Fight Club scene (though, despite the fact it’s been parodied twenty-three billion times, it’s still brilliant) – we like their first meeting, when Tyler verbalises all of the narrator’s seething post-modern resentments. Over a jug of booze. Holy zeitgeist, Batman!
Quote: "Only after disaster can we be resurrected."
1. Chewbacca - Star Wars
Why he should be rubbish: Everyone, from the cast, to the crew, to the tea-boy thought that sticking Chewbacca into Star Wars was the act of a lunatic. We’d argue that his pop-cultural success is the sole reason the prequels were so rubbish (after Chewie, George decided not to ever listen to anyone else ever again).
Why we like him: One of the best things about having a sidekick is getting to share all the in-jokes, the stuff that’s just between the two of you; why, it’s almost like having a secret language that only the two of you understand. In the case of Han Solo and Chewbacca, that’s literal no-one except Solo (and C3P0, the dictionary definition of a try-hard who wants to crash the best-mate party) knows what Chewie’s barking on about, and that’s cool. Oh, and the fact that he’d tear your arms out of their sockets for beating him at a board-game’s quite good too.
Defining moment: When he lets Han put the ‘cuffs on him. That’s true sidekick dedication.